


forgive me (for everything i have done and everything i will do)

by forbiddenquill



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Azula (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Azula (Avatar) Redemption, Azula (Avatar)-centric, Azula loses her firebending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Forgiveness, Healing, Pining, Recovering Azula, mentions of mental health issues, repaired friendship, this is me projecting all my azula feels into a single fic!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:00:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 27,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26675557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forbiddenquill/pseuds/forbiddenquill
Summary: Five years after the end of The Hundred Year War, Azula does the unthinkable.(or, alternatively, the five times Azula apologizes for her actions and the one time she didn't have to.)
Relationships: Aang & Azula (Avatar), Azula & Iroh (Avatar), Azula & Mai (Avatar), Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar), Azula & Ursa (Avatar), Azula & Zuko (Avatar), Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 66
Kudos: 393





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> For clarification: I have not read the comics yet but I’ve read enough Tyzula fics to get a gist of it. This is where my fic differs: Azula spent two years in captivity. Then Zuko asked her to find their mother, which they did without the help of the gAang. Unable to deal with the return of their mother, Azula ran away for three years. During this time, she lost her firebending. With nowhere else to go and being so tired of her life, she decided to return to the Fire Nation. I don’t know much about the New Ozai Society, that’s why I decided to cut that part out of the story.
> 
> Title came from Bex Chan's Isolation. It's a popular Dramione quote! I thought it fit well for this story too :D
> 
> This is my first Avatar fic and Azula was a really complicated character to write about. Still, I hope that I did her justice. I didn't want her to be overly harsh and angry, because I think that at one point, she'd get tired of it too. But I still didn't want her to be soft and gentle because lmao, that's not the Azula we know. Anyway, this was supposed to be written for #TyzulaWeek but I'm not sure if this can be considered part of it since the week is already over. 
> 
> Dedicated to my dear friends Likey and Nat, who dragged me down the Tyzula hole with them. I love you guys so much and thank you for always talking to me about my Tyzula feels!!! Also, I want to dedicate this fic to Luz (@godlyazula) because without their Tyzula fic rec, I wouldn't have been inspired to write this massive redemption arc for Azula! 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this fic!

Azula hated apologizing, even if she lied through her teeth each time she did. She could only recall on one hand the number of times she was sincere when saying the words, " _I'm sorry, I didn't mean it._ " Most of those occurrences happened when she was only a child, when her behavior hadn't yet been accepted, when there was still a maternal figure in the household to correct it. The one she could remember the most with a stinging clarity was back in Ember Island, when Ty Lee had burst into tears at the harshness of her words. Azula had heard the smallest hint of guilt in the back of her mind, sounding suspiciously like her mother's voice, and had acted upon it. 

To apologize would mean to ask for forgiveness, to ask for absolution for her actions, to regret them in some way. Guilt was the driving factor for people who said sorry. Her entire life, Azula wasn't familiar with how guilt felt. It was a foreign—utterly alien emotion to feel. Why would she feel guilty for everything she had done, especially when she was praised for it by the most important person in the world—her father, Fire Lord Ozai? Even when she was in prison, she hadn't felt a single shred of it. When she was transferred to a mental institution of _all places_ , all Azula felt was fury. 

Azula made sure to keep that fire in her heart burning. They didn't allow her to firebend and she was smart enough not to use it to try and escape. She had seen what they did to firebenders in The Boiling Rock and she already had enough of freezing temperatures, especially when she remembered how that _filthy_ waterbender had bested her in the Agni Kai. 

Azula kept that fury in her burning, even on days when she couldn't remember where she was or how the war had even ended or if she had a mother in the first place. There were days where that flame of anger, resentment and humiliation wavered. There were also days she wondered if it was worth keeping that flame alive, especially when she was left to rot in a padded room where the only people who visited her were doctors or her dear brother Zuzu. 

Some days, Azula relied on pure spite to keep living. One day… she would claw her way back to the throne and make Zuko pay for turning against her. _One day_. And until that day came, she would wait and keep her fire burning.

That day never came. 

Years later, Zuko asked for her help to find the mother who _abandoned_ them.

Years later, Azula escaped from the Fire Nation to fend for herself in the wilderness. 

Years later, the fire that had kept Azula alive for so long was extinguished, replaced by something else, something she never thought she could ever crave for—a longing to _belong_ and to be _forgiven._

(Five years later, Azula lost her firebending.)

**i.**

Iroh, always so kind and trusting, was never kind and trusting to Azula, even during the aftermath of war. He never visited her cell and never spoke to her. Perhaps the scathing remarks her nine-year-old self had made regarding the death of his son, Lu Ten, had cut so deeply that he couldn't stand to be in the same room as her. If he did, the wounds of the past would continue to bleed, because she never knew when to stop prodding and poking, wanting nothing more than to get a reaction out of The Great Dragon of the West. 

_It means uncle’s a quitter and a loser._

_He found out his son died and he just fell apart._

_A real general would stay and burn Ba Sing Se to the ground, not lose the battle and come home crying._

Azula wondered what would've happened—if her uncle had spared some of his affection for Zuko and sprinkled her with some. While she hated the thought of being ignored and only noticed when she asked for attention, she ultimately wouldn't have minded if Uncle patted her back and accompanied her to a war meeting as well. If they had tried harder, if they hadn't _spoken_ to each other like uncle and niece, perhaps the next present Uncle sent her wouldn't have been a godforsaken _doll._

A lot had happened during the five years Azula had been imprisoned, incarcerated and on the run. When she saw Iroh for the first time since the war ended, she saw him for what he truly was. A sad, pathetic old man who could've been a great Fire Lord if his heart hadn't broken after Lu Ten's passing. But she also saw something else. At the sight of Iroh and Zuko embracing after not having seen each other for so long, Azula's heart ached with… _envy_? 

_This_ was the man Zuko had replaced their father with. _This_ was the man who had gone with Zuki during his banishment. _This_ was the man who had saved Zuko from himself. 

Azula could taste bile in the back of her throat. If destiny had allowed it, could _she_ have been saved too? The question passed her mind briefly. She didn't want to entertain it but she did. That was _weakness._

One day, after she had returned to the palace and didn't have to be watched over by some incompetent guard like some rabid animal, she found Iroh in the garden, sitting by the pond where the turtle ducks lived. There was a tray on the grass next to him. On top of it sat a kettle and two cups of tea. 

Azula lingered behind him, eyes narrowed at the two cups. Was he waiting for Zuko? Fire Lord Zuko ( _Azula resisted the urge to roll her eyes_ ) was in a meeting that would last for hours. Iroh was better off napping in his room than patiently waiting for his nephew. 

Just as she was about to leave, she suddenly heard her uncle say, "It is a lovely day to enjoy a cup of jasmine tea, isn't it, Princess Azula?" 

Azula scowled. "All you think about is tea." 

Her uncle patted the space next to him on the grass. Azula didn't move. Iroh glanced at her over his shoulder. To his credit, he didn't look put off by her blatant refusal. He even had a smile on his face. 

“Hard not to,” he said, “Tea, particularly jasmine tea, soothes the soul.”

“I can imagine.” The mocking tone Azula spoke with was not as scathing and harsh as years before. 

Silence. Iroh was looking at her patiently. The smile on his face never wavered. Rolling her eyes, Azula approached her uncle and sat down next to him on the grass. The tray stood between them. 

“I’m only sitting next to you because I have nothing better to do,” she grumbled. 

Iroh nodded. “I wouldn’t expect anything else.” 

“Good.” 

The silence thickened. Azula crossed her arms and glared at the turtle ducks. She remembered so long ago how she had enjoyed throwing huge rocks at them, simply because she wanted to watch them squirm. But now, she felt nothing as she stared at them. They approached the edge of the pond, as if waiting for crumbs, and Azula had nothing to offer. 

“You’ve been here for a few weeks, am I correct?” Iroh began, reaching down to take a sip of his tea; “It’s been a long time since the walls of the palace have been graced with your presence.” 

“Graced,” Azula repeated with a snort, “I think you mean _tainted_.” 

“You know I don’t mean that.” 

Azula glanced at her uncle and found him looking at the turtle ducks with a sad and wistful expression. The anger she held towards him now was only a shadow of what she felt years ago. She was simply tired. There was no used being angry anymore. 

“How has your stay been?” Iroh continued. 

“Bearable,” Azula answered stiffly. 

“I heard that with your help, Ursa was found again.” Iroh’s lips twitched into a smile. “Fire Lord Zuko has told me how thankful he is for your help, Princess Azula.” 

Azula’s hands rolled into fists. “You don’t have to do that,” she grumbled.

“Do what?”

“Call me princess.”

Iroh frowned. “But you _are_ the Crown Princess of the Fire Nation.”

“I am the _disgraced_ daughter of a mad man,” Azula corrected him. She looked away from his intense stare, knowing that if he tried enough, he could look into her soul. Perhaps that trip to the Spirit World had given him more intuitive powers. Agni knows that for the longest time, he was the only thing keeping Zuko sane. 

Iroh put down his cup of tea. “Maybe,” he amended with a soft sigh, “but you and I both know that you are more than that.” 

Azula felt the urge to scream. If she really was more than Ozai’s daughter, then how come he didn’t help her like he helped Zuko? Why did he never visit or send her letters or even thought to ask Zuko about her wellbeing? What was it about Zuko that Azula lacked? What did he have that made everybody—her mother, her uncle, the Avatar and his stupid friends—forgive him for everything that he had done? 

The answer was obvious.

 _A heart_. 

Azula had spent a long time not speaking to anybody while she was in prison or in the mental institute. She didn’t want to waste her breath on asking questions she already knew the answer to. So, she simply glared at the turtle ducks watching their conversation and waiting for the bread crumbs that Azula didn’t have. Zuko was always better at feeding them anyway. 

Suddenly, something came into her view. It was Iroh’s hand. Clasped between his fingers was a piece of bread. 

“Here,” he said gently. 

Azula didn’t move. 

“When my brother and I were children,” Iroh started, “I could see that Ozai was very motivated and determined to prove himself to our father. He would wake up with the sun every single day and practice his firebending sets. By the time he was 16, he could already control lightning. I was amazed. My brother was a prodigy, just like you were. But as we grew older, I started to realize that he was after the throne and he would stop at nothing to have it.” 

Azula still didn’t move. 

“I should’ve helped him,” Iroh murmured, “He is my brother.” 

Azula didn't say anything. 

“And even if I didn’t help him,” Iroh continued, “I still should’ve stopped him.” 

Even though Azula didn’t move from her position, Iroh reached forward with his other hand, grabbed her wrist and pressed the bread into her palm. A flash of anger went through her—almost like lightning—but she didn’t act upon it. Instead, she swallowed it down. A second later, she realized that this was the first time her uncle had touched her in _years_.

“Why are you telling me sob stories about my father?” Azula asked with an edge in her voice. 

“Because you and Zuko remind me of Ozai and I,” Iroh replied. 

Azula rolled her eyes. “So, you’re telling me that years from now, Zuko will end up as a fatso like you, spewing nonsense and drinking tea?” She looked down at the bread in her hand and realized that she’d been squeezing it tightly. “As for me… I’ll probably be locked up without my firebending. Is that what you’re saying?” 

“No.” 

“Well, it sounds like it.” Azula laughed bitterly. "Since I've already lost my firebending, the only thing left is a prison cell." 

Iroh just shook his head. “It is true that you and Zuko are like mirror images of Ozai and I,” he said, “but that doesn’t mean you have to follow our footsteps. You might think that Zuko is me and you are Ozai. However, I am here to remind you that Ozai was Fire Lord and I was not.” His hand, which had still been holding her wrist, moved up to squeeze her arm. “Zuko is Fire Lord now, which means he has the chance to reverse the mistakes of his father. My dear niece, you can still have that chance too.”

Azula scoffed and pushed his hand away. She still held onto the bread, however. She didn’t know why. 

“I’m a lost cause,” she told her uncle. 

“You are only 19,” Iroh reminded her gently, “If I can be given a chance at redemption, especially after I reigned terror on Ba Sing Se for many years, then I don’t see why you should not be given one too.” 

“You and I are different.”

Iroh shook his head. “We are family,” he said, sounding as if he truly believed what he was saying. Azula realized that she wanted to believe it too. 

She thought of what _family_ meant to her and came up with nothing. It hadn’t been her father’s approval nor her mother’s love. A part of her tried to convince herself that she had both at some point in her life. And yet, it wasn’t enough. She didn’t have the kind of family that most people wanted. And for so long, she thought that it was good.

“What does family mean to you, my dear niece?” Iroh asked, watching as she looked down at the bread in her hand and released her grip.

Azula brushed off the crumbs from her lap. “It means nothing,” she answered coldly.

“Hmm.” Iroh rubbed his beard. “Is it okay if I tell you what family means to me?” 

“You can do whatever you want, uncle,” Azula said haughtily, trying to gain control of the conversation even though it had already been lost to her, “Agni knows that you’ve done that for most of your life, especially when you abandoned Ba Sing Se.” 

Iroh didn’t rise to the bait. Azula sighed in annoyance. She finally picked off a piece of the bread and threw it into the pond. The turtle ducks approached quickly. There were three of them in total while the mother floated at the back, watching her children with careful precision. 

“Family for me is forgiveness,” Iroh finally said after a few minutes had passed; Azula stopped feeding the turtle ducks. 

She looked at her uncle with a scowl on her face. “Have you _forgiven_ my father for taking the throne away from you?” she asked. 

“Yes,” Iroh answered. 

“Have you forgiven him for burning off half of Zuko’s face and banishing him?” Azula persisted. 

Iroh hesitated and Azula grinned in triumph. 

“Thought so,” she muttered. 

“It is a slow process,” Iroh admitted, “but family is when you forgive each other for everything you have done and everything that you will do.” 

Against her better judgement, Azula thought of Zuko. 

“It is when you argue and fight and bicker all day but when it comes down to it, you will still sit next to each other around the dining table when night falls,” Iroh continued.

 _I need you, Zuko_.

Azula resumed feeding the turtle ducks. 

“Family doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with each other’s decisions,” Iroh went on, “but forgiving each other in spite of them. Because at the end of the day, family is all that we have.”

It was silent. Azula didn’t know what to think so she said nothing. She imagined that this is what Zuko had to live with during his years of banishment. A fat uncle sipping tea and poisoning his thoughts. But maybe it wasn’t poison. After all, Zuko came up on top in the end.

“Uncle,” Azula started hesitantly. Her tone didn't have the same venom she used to hold when addressing the older man.

“Yes, niece?”

Azula stared down at the bread in her hand. She should be angry. She should be laughing at what Iroh was saying. She should be making use of her newfound freedom and challenging Zuko to an Agni Kai for the throne. But she did none of those things. After two years in prison and three years on the run, she didn’t feel like doing anything she would’ve done in the past. 

And for some strange reason, she thought of Lu Ten instead. 

_What kind of father doesn't protect their child?_

“I’m sorry about your son,” she said with a hardened edge to her tone.

Iroh’s face morphed into that of surprise. He hadn’t expected _that_. “Princess Azula,” he said quietly. 

“I was a horrible child to deal with,” she admitted as she carelessly threw the rest of the bread into the pond, “so I apologize for the things I said when cousin Lu Ten died and for what I said about you when you came back after Ba Sing Se." The words felt odd on her tongue so she tried to make up for it, "Even though that horrid Earth Kingdom city was easy to conquer on the inside. You should've thought of that first." 

Iroh didn't speak for a long time. Azula straightened her back, not entirely sure what she had been expecting. For all his talk about forgiveness, she couldn't really peg on the goodness of his heart to forgive _her._ But if it was a slow process, like what he had said so before, then Azula would start by apologizing for being so needlessly cruel when it came to Lu Ten's death and slowly work her way towards everything else. 

Once the turtle ducks were fed and her uncle continued to be silent, Azula made to stand up. But before she could do so, Iroh spoke: "I was hoping you would share a cup of tea with me, niece." 

Azula scoffed. "The tea is cold, uncle," she pointed out. She rolled her hands into fists, hating the fact that she couldn't heat up her own cup. 

But Iroh just smiled, took the second cup, warmed it with his hands and passed it to her. After a moment, Azula accepted it. When she took a sip, she resisted the urge to smile. Perhaps his royal tea-loving kookiness had a point when it came to jasmine tea after all. 

**ii.**

"The Avatar and his friends will visit the palace tomorrow," Zuko told her after dinner one night. They were standing at the balcony, overlooking the Caldera Capital. Azula spent much of her time here, waiting for the sun to rise and wishing for her bending to return. 

Azula scowled at his interruption. "Am I supposed to jump for joy?" she asked snarkily. 

"Of course not." Zuko stepped forward. "I just wanted to let you know." He looked like he wanted to say something else but changed his mind halfway through. 

Getting no response from his sister, Zuko stood next to her and watched the city lights. From this angle, Azula could only see the scar that marred his face. She had always thought it was an ugly reminder of his disrespect and failure to comply with their father's wishes. But he was smiling now and the scar didn't look so ugly anymore. 

"It feels like I haven't spent time alone with you, Azula," he commented lightly. 

"Well, I've only started living in the Royal Palace for a few weeks," Azula drawled with an almost bored expression, "and you've been busy with _Fire Lord_ duties."

"How do you…" Zuko hesitated, possibly remembering the last time his sister had been here, "How are you dealing with things so far?" 

Azula sighed. She had been waiting for him to ask that. Ever since she returned from the wilderness as a completely changed person who could no longer firebend and was therefore no longer a harm to society, Zuko had been skittering around her. As if he expected a relapse of her situation from years ago. As if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for her to strike him down with lightning again. How _predictable_.

"Well," Azula began, looking down at her nails, "I no longer have the urge to destroy mirrors when I look into them. I've stopped hearing our parents' voices in my head, partly because Mother is a bore and Father is rotting away in a cell. And my plan to overthrow you from the throne has lost its appeal." 

Zuko was quiet. When Azula raised her head and looked at him, she saw that his expression was that of alarm. With a roll of her eyes, Azula brushed off his worries. “I’m fine, Zuzu,” she said through gritted teeth, “Three years in the wilderness can do that to you.”

“We were worried about you.” Zuko hesitantly raised a hand but, changing his mind halfway through, dropped it back down. “I asked Aang for help but for some reason, he couldn’t find you.”

Azula smirked. “If I don’t want to be found, then I will not be found.”

“Have you spoken to Mother?”

Azula’s mood immediately soured. Of course she had seen Ursa walking around the Palace as if she belonged _here_. It didn’t take her long to realize that she _did_ belong here. After all, she was the Fire Lord’s mother. And Azula? Well, Azula was the Crown Princess. But it didn’t feel like it anymore. Ever since she was chained to that grate for hours on end, she no longer felt like royalty. 

“No,” she said.

“She wants to speak to you,” Zuko told her softly, “It would mean a lot to her if you could _try_ —”

“No, thank you,” Azula interrupted with as much patience as she could muster, which wasn’t a lot. 

“Azula—” 

“No, dear Zuzu,” Azula snapped, turning away from her brother, “I will _not_ speak to my mother. There is nothing left to say. She made her decision, I have made mine.”

She thought back to what Iroh had told her a while back: _family doesn’t necessarily mean agreeing with each other’s decisions but forgiving each other in spite of them. Because at the end of the day, family is all that we have._ If her buffoon uncle couldn’t forgive Ozai, then there was no guarantee that Azula could forgive the mother who abandoned her. Besides, Ursa already had her own family. She made one after she abandoned them. 

The memory of Kiyi—Ursa’s new daughter and Azula’s half-sister—came to mind.

Something threatened to claw its way out of her throat. 

_I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough_. 

Azula would _not_ forgive her. 

“She didn’t want to leave you too,” Zuko whispered sadly. 

Azula remembered the day she had left and how Zuko had told her that their mother dropped by his room in the middle of the night to say goodbye. Ursa hadn’t said goodbye to her. Back then, the hurt was so easily replaced with anger. But now, as a young adult, she felt all those emotions turn back on her. The anger turned to hatred, which turned to self-loathing.

 _I love you, Azula. I do_.

“Doesn’t excuse the fact that she did,” Azula shot back and without another word, she left. 

-

A few days later, the Avatar arrived on top of that sky bison of his. The water peasants were with him. Azula shut herself in her room and didn’t come out even though the invitation to dinner had also been extended to her. She didn’t feel like facing the people who had been instrumental in her defeat and humiliation. Her food was delivered to her by a servant but she didn’t touch any of it. Instead, she spent her time sitting by her table, staring down at a stack of letters she had yet to touch. 

They were all from Ty Lee. 

Azula should’ve burned all of them the second she got them but… she didn’t. Instead, she kept them on top of her desk. A part of her wanted to read them, to hear Ty Lee’s voice in her head, to know what was on her old friend’s mind and what she wanted to say. But she knew that by doing so would mean that she _cared_. And she never wanted to care about Ty Lee again, especially after what had happened at The Boiling Rock. She would not let her guard down around Ty Lee ever again.

Even though Ty Lee was one of the few people who came to visit her.

Even though Ty Lee wrote her letters, despite getting no answer. 

Even though Ty Lee had been one of the first people to volunteer in searching for her, as Zuko had said before. 

Azula reached out and plucked the first letter out of the stack. It was dated back when she was still in prison. Apparently, Zuko had intercepted Ty Lee’s letters because he knew that it would only anger her. While she hated the thought of her brother keeping something that was hers away from her, she was secretly grateful. If she had received these letters during her incarceration, then she would’ve set them aflame the second they were pushed into her hands. 

The first letter was the hardest to read. 

_Dear Princess Azula,_

_I’m so sorry._

_Love,_

_Ty Lee_

Since reading the first letter, Azula forced herself to go through the others Ty Lee had sent. There were a lot of them. Despite receiving no response, Ty Lee continued to write. She wrote when Azula was still in prison, her wrists shackled and her mouth gagged to prevent her from firebending. She wrote when Azula’s mental health deteriorated and she was transferred to the mental institute. She wrote when Azula ran away and was never heard of ever again for the next three years. Ty Lee never stopped writing to her.

She was in the middle of reading through Ty Lee’s tenth letter by the turtle duck pond when she felt a presence behind her. 

“What are you reading?” 

Azula quickly shut the letter and looked over her shoulder. It was the Avatar, donning his usual yellow and orange robes. He had grown taller the last time Azula had seen him last, which was nearly five years ago. He even had a pathetic little beard growing on his chin. 

“None of your business, Avatar,” she spat.

The Avatar smiled, apparently undisturbed by her attitude. He sat down on the grass next to her and placed his staff on his knees. 

“I didn’t invite you to sit down with me,” Azula pointed out scathingly.

“I know.”

“Then what are you doing, disturbing my peace and quiet?”

The Avatar shrugged. “I’m just enjoying the view.”

Azula wanted to give him a piece of her mind but decided against it. It was too exhausting. She never realized how exhausting her life had been—constantly on the move, planning her next step, making sure Father’s wishes were met. All she wanted now was to be left alone. This was the opposite of what she had wanted as a child. When she was growing, all she wanted was her parents’ attention or the awe of everybody else around her. This was not the case anymore.

She shot a dirty look at the Avatar who did look like he was enjoying the view of the small turtle duck pond. Then she let out a deep sigh and opened Ty Lee’s letter again. Hopefully, the goody two-shoes sitting next to her knew better than to look over her shoulder and Ty Lee’s words. This was personal. This was supposed to be for Azula’s eyes only.

_Dear Princess Azula,_

_Zuko told me that you’ve gotten better._

_I wish I could see your progress but I cannot leave my duties as a Kyoshi Warrior. If I’m being honest, I took the job as soon as I was offered it. Because there is no life for me back in the Fire Nation. I don’t want to be a nobleman’s daughter, I don’t want to go back to the circus. I don’t want to wait around the palace, hoping that you will forgive me and knowing that you never will._

_I’m not sure if you will receive this letter. I’m not sure if I want you to._

_But I hope that you are well._

_I am always thinking of you._

_Love,_

_Ty Lee_

“Azula,” The Avatar said in a hushed voice, “are you okay?”

Azula didn’t realize that she was gripping the letter tightly. She let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding on and smoothed the paper out with one hand. She didn’t want to ruin Ty Lee’s letter but she probably already did. Like everything else in her life. 

“I’m perfectly fine, Avatar,” she said smoothly. 

The younger boy didn’t look like he believed her but instead of pushing it, he clasped his hands together. When he pulled them apart, there was a flame resting on his left palm. Azula instantly felt annoyed, knowing that this was a power trip on his part. She was about to scream at his face, demand that he leave her alone, curse him for showing off that he was a firebender—the _one thing_ she always prided herself in being—but then he suddenly offered the flame to her. 

“Take it,” he said with a soft smile. 

Azula’s annoyance grew. “I _can’t_ ,” she said between gritted teeth. 

“You can,” he insisted, “I didn’t take away your firebending. You just lost it, remember?” 

“I don’t think I could _ever_ forget,” she spat.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” The Avatar transferred the flame from one hand to another. “When Zuko lost his firebending, he could still hold fire in his hands. You can too.”

Azula glared at the bright red fire. It was foreign to her. Ever since she was a child, all she knew was _blue_. This wasn’t _her_ fire. It would never be hers. Why should she accept it? 

The smile on the Avatar’s face didn’t waver. Annoyingly, he reminded Azula of her uncle. How come there were so many good people in the world? People who kept giving and giving but never taking? She couldn’t understand it. 

The flame in the Avatar’s palm increased. “For so long, I only thought of fire as destruction,” he said, “I hurt people because of it. But after… after I took a trip with Zuko, I understand now that fire is more than that.” 

Azula raised an eyebrow, understanding that there was something he wasn’t telling her, but she didn’t call him out on it. 

“Fire is life,” the Avatar went on and the flame dimmed slightly, “It is warmth, it is comfort, it is new beginnings.” 

_Phoenix King_ , Azula thought, thinking of her father. 

“Your chi is all messed up,” the Avatar told her carefully and Azula looked up at his face sharply, “When I saw you again after five years, I could sense that there was something wrong. You can’t firebend if you can’t fix what’s wrong in your life. Bending is energy that allows you to manipulate the elements to your will. When your energy is all messed up, it doesn’t give you that same power.”

“It will take a lifetime to fix what is wrong with me,” Azula said firmly. 

“Maybe.” The Avatar offered her the flame again. “But you can always start now.”

Azula gave him a look of barely concealed disgust before she tucked Ty Lee’s letter into her breast pocket—right over her heart—and flexed her fingers. It had been so long since she had dared herself to touch fire. She didn’t want to get burned by the same thing that had kept her alive for so long. But most of all, she didn’t want to be reminded of the gaping loss in her life. 

The Avatar adjusted his position so that they were facing each other properly. The look on his face was hopeful but guarded at the same time. She wondered if the wound in his back—caused by her lightning—hurt each time he looked at her. She wondered how he could bear it, since so many people hadn’t been able to. 

“Take your time,” he said, still offering the flame in his left hand.

Azula hesitated. She didn’t want to reach forward and have him sweep the rug beneath her feet. What if he burned her the second her fingers touched the flame? Worse, what if he extinguished it the second Azula reached out? She didn’t think he’d be cruel to do that but perhaps, he would be towards her. After all, she had been nothing but cruel to him. 

“It’s okay,” the Avatar said, as if reading her mind, “It won’t hurt you.” 

That wasn’t what she was worried about. If the flame hurt her, she would welcome it. It was better to feel pain than to feel nothing. It was better to feel the sting of a fire’s warmth than to be left with a cold draft. Perhaps her years in captivity and being on the run had given her a masochistic tendency. She didn’t care. She just wanted to feel _alive_ again. 

Azula took a deep breath— _a firebender’s strength came from their breath, after all_ —and reached forward. Her hands were cupped. The Avatar bowed his head and passed the flame into her palm. For one short second, she saw the flame almost go out—like it was about to be swept away by the wind. In her desperation to keep it alive, she tried to summon all her energy into making it hotter, brighter, larger. But all she managed to do was keep it alive long enough that it didn't sputter into nothingness. 

The Avatar beamed. "There you go." He dropped his hands and leaned back. 

Azula didn't pay him any mind. Her eyes were transfixed on the fire she held in her palms. It was small—smaller than she wanted but it didn't mean she wasn't aware of the warmth it gave her, starting from her fingers and travelling down the rest of her body. It was almost funny. Before, Azula had purely relied on nothing but herself when it came to her firebending. The fire came from _within._ This time, however, the fire had come from the Avatar. And instead of taunting her—of brandishing the one thing she had lost right in front of her face—he had given it to her willingly. 

The thought disturbed her.

"Why?" she asked, her voice quiet and soft and _gentle._ She hated it at once. 

The Avatar smiled. "Because I wanted to," he said simply, as if giving her a taste of what firebending felt like was the easiest thing in the world. She could imagine what those water peasants would say. _Have you forgotten what she did?_

Even if he did forget, the Avatar still had the scar on his back to serve as a reminder of what she had done and what she used to be capable of doing. 

"Thank you." The words had slipped past Azula's lips without her noticing and she cursed herself for _slipping._ If Father could see her now—

The Avatar's smile widened. "You're welcome," he said cheerfully. Then his expression shifted, large eyes looking sadly at her. "I don't have the power to fix your bending, though," he added.

Azula waved him off with one hand while keeping the other cupped around the flame. "It's fine," she said tersely, "I'm sure the rest of the world would be happy to have me as a non-bender. Less casualties, you know." 

The Avatar didn't laugh. She didn't expect him to. 

"Besides." Azula shot him a look. "Why would _you_ want to fix my bending?" 

The Avatar's face grew serious. He looked mature when he wasn't smiling. Less like a child, more like the Avatar Azula had heard stories of. She could imagine him facing off against her father and emerging as the victor. 

"Because I don't think you deserve the same fate as Ozai," he answered. 

Azula's fingers twitched. The flame in her hand wavered. She didn't know why but she was grateful that he didn't say _your father._

"I almost killed you," Azula remarked, "You were just a kid." 

The Avatar fixed her with a searching look. "So were you." 

Silence fell over them. Azula closed her hand over the flame and it disappeared beneath her fingers. She felt warm. _Too_ warm. It took her a second to realize that the back of her eyes were stinging. She inhaled deeply, willed the tears to stop, and looked at the Avatar. He was watching her carefully but if he saw how moist her eyes had become, he didn't say anything.

"I'm sorry," she said after a moment. 

The Avatar's eyes widened a fraction. "What?" he asked. 

"I'm sorry for nearly killing you.” 

The young boy pursed his lips. “Well, the important thing is that you didn’t.” 

"Zuzu told me about the spirit water," she said, crossing her arms and staring down at the grass beneath her shoes, "If it hadn't been for that water tribe girl, you would've died by my hand." 

The Avatar was quiet. He reached out with his right hand and played with the water from the pond. Then he morphed it into a ball and juggled it with his other hand. Azula watched his movements carefully. 

"Well," he said, shooting Azula a smile, "we're lucky that Katara was there to save the day." 

_Katara._ Azula remembered the Agni Kai again. Without Katara, Zuko would've died too. By Azula's lightning. She looked down at her hands—staring down at the perfectly clipped fingernails—and could almost imagine the spark of electricity once more. She realized that she didn’t hold the same fury and resentment at the reminder of her loss during Sozin’s comet.

"I suppose so," she said coolly. 

The Avatar— _Aang_ , Azula remembered—jumped up to his feet. "I should get going," he said, waving at her, "I've got a date tonight."

"Lucky you." Azula turned towards the small pond again. She missed the warmth of the fire already. "Tell nobody about this, especially that water tribe girl." 

"Okay." He was about two steps away from Azula when he must've suddenly remembered something. He retraced his steps until he was standing next to her again. "Hey." 

Azula sighed and craned her neck up to look at him. "What?” 

“Ask Zuko about the Sun Warriors.” 

Azula scowled. “Aren’t they a myth?” 

The Avatar smiled again. “Maybe,” he said, “maybe not.”

**iii.**

Azula didn’t want to accept the Avatar’s help but it seemed as if she would have no other choice. She knew who the Sun Warriors were but had always disregarded them as a myth. She didn’t want to walk into Zuko’s room and demand answers as to what the Avatar had said. To do so would mean that she cared. And she didn’t want to show that kind of weakness towards him. She needed to gather what she needed to know about the Sun Warriors. Fueled by the need to know more, she set out to the library in the Royal Palace, where books and scrolls regarding the Fire Nation were kept at their disposal. She remembered her childhood days where Lo and Li would accompany her to the library and tell her stories about the Sun Warriors. 

Unfortunately for her, Lo and Li had already passed onto the Spirit World. The fact left a bitter taste in the back of her tongue. She didn’t even get to say goodbye, not that she wanted to anyway. She couldn’t deny that they played a crucial role in her life, even if they were dead weight most of the time. 

Azula didn’t know where to start when she found herself in the library. There was no servant to assist her as most of them had been sent away by Zuko, especially since he couldn’t trust them after Ozai. Rows and rows of shelves, all holding important information that would prove useful to her later on, stood over her menacingly, as if daring her to turn back and use her time somewhere else. But Azula was nothing short of persistent and determined. 

She spent _hours_ in that library, trying to get her hands on anything that spoke of the Sun Warriors. What she read, she already knew. They were the ones who learned from the original masters and who still followed the ways of the past. They had been extinct for a thousand years, long before Sozin had started the tradition of dragon-hunting. But the way the Avatar spoke of them… could it be possible that they still existed?

“Azula?” 

Azula was stuck in the library again, way past midnight. She stiffened when she heard that voice calling out for her name, already recognizing who it belonged to. As the footsteps approached her secluded corner, she didn’t raise her head. She felt her shoulders stiffen and she chastised herself for allowing such a physical reaction.

Ursa appeared from the shadows, holding a lamp in one hand. Since she was a non-bender, she relied on candles to light her way. Azula glared at the lamp that was sitting on the table in front of her while her hands clutched uselessly at the scroll she held. Another reminder of what she had lost. 

“Hello, Mother,” Azula greeted neutrally, “To what do I owe the pleasure?” 

Ursa glanced at what she was reading. For some reason, her entire posture relaxed as well. Perhaps she had thought Azula was scheming against Zuko again. It would hardly be the first time somebody thought of that. 

“You should be sleeping, Azula,” Ursa said softly. 

“As you can see, I am reading.” Azula gestured at the stacks of books she had gone through the past few days. “I thought you’d be happy to see me revisiting our nation’s beloved history.” 

“It is certainly a welcome change.”

Azula scowled. “Whatever.”

She continued to read but it was hard to do so with her mother’s presence behind her. After a minute of silence, Azula finally sighed and put down the scroll. She turned around in her chair and looked at her mother. Ursa was looking at her sadly. It wasn’t like back in her childhood days where Ursa’s expression always held exasperation or worry or even anger towards her. No, this time, her mother looked like she was looking at somebody she didn’t know, especially when she was supposed to. Perhaps the thought hurt her more than she let on.

Azula quirked an eyebrow. “Stop looking at me like that," she demanded. 

“Like what, Azula?” 

“Like you don’t know me.” For some strange reason, Azula could hear the hurt in her own voice. She immediately squashed it down. If she could, she would’ve strangled herself for sounding so _weak_. She clears her throat and looks away. “Well, of course you don’t. You did leave us behind. You couldn’t even grace me with a goodbye like you did with Zuko. Of course, he was always your favorite.” 

“Azula…” Ursa takes a seat on the chair opposite hers. “I think it’s time we talk.” 

Azula rolled her hands into fists and took a deep breath. “No, I don’t think I want to,” she said. 

“ _Please_.” Ursa’s voice cracked at the edges and Azula’s jaw tightened. “You’ve been here for a few months now. The only time I get to see you is at the dinner table. I’m left in the dark about what happened after you and Zuko arrived at the village to find me. When you ran away, I was _so_ worried.” 

“I didn’t think you cared,” Azula remarked casually.

Ursa gasped. “How could you say that, Azula? You’re my daughter—I will _always_ care about you.”

Azula thought back to her days in prison and at the mental institute. Ursa had been a constant torture, whispering sweet _lies_ into her ear, begging Azula to listen to her, asking her to understand, telling her that she loved her—she always had. On days where Ursa wasn’t present in her mind, it was Ozai who came and poisoned her thoughts. _Failure_ , he would say, _just like your brother_. 

She had fought hard against those hallucinations but sometimes, hearing her mother’s voice put her back in that position. That was one of the main reasons why she didn’t want to speak to her. She didn’t think she could handle hearing her mother’s real voice and the one that used to be stuck in her head. 

“Of course you do,” Azula said mockingly, “That explains why you left without saying goodbye.”

“Azula,” Ursa pleaded, “Please let me explain.” 

“Here’s the thing, _Mother_ ,” Azula spat the word with so much venom that Ursa physically recoiled, “I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want you to explain. I don’t want to talk to you. Just because I’m back in the palace and not chained up like _Father_ doesn’t mean that I’m going to be the daughter you’ve always wanted. Because let’s face it, I will _never_ be the daughter you’ve always wanted. Besides, you already have a new daughter, remember?”

Ursa looked like she wanted to say something but Azula raised a hand to stop her mother from interrupting. 

“Nothing you do or say will change things between us,” she says harshly. 

There were tears in Ursa’s eyes. She grew quiet. Azula dropped her hand and returned to reading the scroll. The silence between them was tense. 

Finally, after what felt like hours, Ursa spoke: “I did say goodbye.”

Azula nearly dropped her scroll. “What?” 

Ursa looked at her with regret in her eyes. “The night I left,” she clarified, “I went to your room and kissed your cheek. I didn’t want to wake you since you were asleep.”

Azula didn’t say anything. She felt frozen. In the back of her mind, she could hear Ursa’s voice during her many hallucinations back in prison and then at the mental facility. _I love you, Azula. I do_. And this was her mother _now_ —in the flesh, no longer a figment of her imagination—telling her that she _did_ say goodbye. Something in her chest started hurting. It reminded her of the day she had discovered that she could no longer firebend. It felt like a loss so whole and vast, it pained her just to even acknowledge it. 

“That doesn’t change anything,” she said but there was no bite in her voice.

“I know.” Ursa inched closer until she could reach out and lay a gentle hand on top of her daughter’s. 

To Azula’s surprise and horror, she didn’t want to pull away. There was something about being so touch-starved for affection that she found herself allowing this one burst of longing and weakness to overtake her. She looked up at her mother’s eyes and then forced herself to wrench her hand away. 

Ursa sighed. 

“When you were children,” she started and Azula tightened her jaw, not wanting to be reminded of her childhood, “I was unfair in how I treated you and your brother. Your father had such high hopes and expectations for Zuko that when those expectations weren’t met, he turned to you.” 

Unconsciously, Azula felt herself shudder.

“I believed that you were stronger than your brother. You didn’t just meet your father’s expectations—you _exceeded_ them. And because you had your father’s love, pride and attention and Zuko didn’t have any, I turned to him. He needed me more.” Ursa wiped at her eyes. “I didn’t realize that it was _you_ who needed me the most.” 

“I didn’t,” Azula snapped but there was no fire behind her words. 

Ursa didn’t correct her. “I’m sorry for everything, Azula,” she whispered, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you, the same way I was for your brother. I’m sorry for leaving you and Zuko behind. At that time, I thought it was the best decision. I was wrong.” 

_I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough_. 

Azula’s hands were shaking. She couldn’t bring herself to say anything. 

After a moment, Ursa stood up. “I’ll leave you now,” she said sadly, “but I do hope that we can talk again, when time has healed most of our wounds.” 

Azula thought of Zuko’s scarred face. “That’s unlikely,” she grumbled. 

“If that’s the case.” Ursa bowed her head. “Maybe when your anger and hatred towards me has simmered.” 

Azula glared at the table. A moment passed. She could see Ursa moving away from her peripheral. Perhaps it was because of the low candlelight or the years of loneliness back in the wilderness or the jasmine tea her uncle kept serving her but Azula found herself clearing her throat. At this sound, she felt her mother turn towards her, almost expectantly. 

_Family is all that we have._

“I’m sorry too,” she whispered, low enough that if it wasn’t dead silent, Ursa wouldn’t have heard her. 

She pretended not to feel the smile her mother sent her way.

“If you don’t mind,” Azula said in a much louder voice, "but I'd prefer it if you refrained from interrupting me while I'm in the library." 

"Of course, Azula." Her mother bowed her head. She left soon after but not before she took a step forward and squeezed Azula's shoulder. 

It was a start. Azula wasn't sure if she liked it or not. 


	2. two.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was getting too long so I split it in half! 
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! :D

**iv.**

Azula wasn’t going to get anything out of the many books and scrolls she had read the past few weeks. If she wanted to know what the Avatar meant about the Sun Warriors, she would have to approach her brother. Unfortunately for her, Zuko was always busy with _Fire Lord_ duties. He was either in a meeting, visiting the Capital or training with the Avatar to improve their firebending. The only time she got to see him was when he passed by the gardens on the way to the throne room or when he sat next to her during dinner time.

If Azula wanted to speak with her brother alone, she would have to wait until the day was over.

So she passed the time by finishing the rest of Ty Lee’s letters. There were nearly 200 in total and Azula read one each day ever since she read the first one. She always tucked them into her breast pocket when she finished. She didn’t want anybody else to read it but she wanted to keep it close to her at all times.

She couldn’t really understand the logic behind it. She hadn’t seen Ty Lee since The Boiling Rock five years ago. They hadn’t ended on good terms. And if they _had_ seen each other, then Azula wouldn’t remember any of it. She’d been drugged too many times and too wrapped up in her own mind to notice her own surroundings. She could only remember the days stuck in a prison cell and then a white, padded room before she finally found her freedom when Zuko had taken her to find their mother.

But Ty Lee diligently and continuously writing to her meant that a part of her _still_ cared for Azula.

And if there was one thing Azula treasured more than firebending, it was loyalty.

Before it would inevitably turn against her too.

The letters were—Azula hated to admit it—a comfort to read. Ty Lee talked about her everyday life back in Kyoshi Island, mostly because there was only so much she could apologize for when it came to Azula. The first 50 letters were enough for that. She talked about the unagi that resided in the waters, the friendship she formed with Suki ( _Azula resisted the urge to roll her eyes and shoot out flames from her palm, not that she could anyway_ ), and the tasks she had to do everyday.

Truthfully, Azula could care less about what went on at Kyoshi Island. And yet, she found herself devouring every word Ty Lee wrote in paper, her handwriting as pretty as the smile she always wore on her face. Azula didn’t even know what she looked like now. It had been so long. All she had in her memories was the image of a 14-year-old girl with a long braid who wore pink every single day. The same girl who smiled and laughed at her jokes and treated her like a _friend_.

It was more than Azula had treated her.

She was sitting at the balcony overlooking the Caldera Capital, Ty Lee’s letter clasped in between her fingers, when she felt a presence behind her. For some reason, people didn’t want to leave her alone, even after all that she had done. She was either being approached by her uncle, her mother, her brother or even the Avatar himself. With an almost bored look over her shoulder, she decided to see who had decided to disturb her peace now.

To her surprise, it was Mai.

Mai had been in and out of the palace the past few months Azula had stayed here. Apparently, in her free time, Mai tended to her aunt’s flower shop. However, when the princess returned home, Mai had been by Zuko’s side to welcome her. Well, _welcome_ was too nice of a word. She’d simply been there when Azula had arrived. But they hadn’t spoken since.

There was no love lost between Azula and Mai, despite their shared history.

“I was beginning to think you and my brother had broken up for good,” Azula commented lightly, tucking Ty Lee’s letter into her breast pocket.

The letter had been short—a simple retelling of Ty Lee's day at Kyoshi Island. _You would've hated it here, Princess._ Azula wanted to tell her she would've hated it less if Ty Lee was there. 

“How so?” Mai’s voice hadn’t changed. She still sounded as bored and disinterested as ever. Azula couldn’t help but feel relieved at this.

“I don’t see you anymore.”

“Perhaps I don’t want you to see me.”

Azula nodded stiffly. “I understand.” She waved her hand. “I’m a people person, after all.”

The corners of Mai’s lips quirked. In another time, she might've smiled.

Azula turned her head towards the city again, watching as the orange rays of the sun bled through the darkening sky. She heard Mai approach but didn’t turn her head, even as the older girl fell into position next to her. They were both quiet, their hands folded behind their backs. Azula knew that within Mai’s sleeves, she was holding her knives at the steady. She would always be careful. That was one of the many reasons why Azula had chosen her in the first place.

“I see that you still have your claws on her,” Mai said.

Azula didn’t say anything but the letter Ty Lee had sent burned against her chest.

“You always have,” Mai added softly.

“It’s just a letter,” Azula said, “It doesn’t mean anything.”

Mai hummed. “She doesn’t write to me as much as she does to you,” she said after a moment, giving Azula a side-long glance, which the princess caught, “and I always respond to her letters, despite how boring they are.”

This sudden revelation made Azula pause. 

“I imagine that you two have a stronger bond,” Azula said, thinking of the Boiling Rock, which Ty Lee and Mai had spent a few months in. She didn’t bring it up into the conversation but she knew that Mai was thinking about it too.

“If we survived you,” Mai said slowly, “then we could survive anything.” 

Azula smiled but didn’t respond. 

She didn’t know how to act around Mai. They hadn’t ended on good terms as well. But during her first two years in captivity, Mai had often accompanied Zuko in visiting her. From what she was told, Mai never stepped foot in her cell or her room but she was still close enough to hear the screams that had clawed their way out of Azula’s throat every single time Zuko came. She had witnessed Azula at her very worst. Perhaps that was the reason why she was here now, engaging in a conversation with the one person who had tried to end her life before. 

It occurred to Azula that maybe she wasn’t the only one who had changed within the past five years. 

“Is that why you’re here with me now?” Azula asked, “Because if you survived me before, you can do so again?”

“Not particularly.” Mai checked her nails. “I just don’t think you’re worth surviving anymore.” 

It was bait, Azula knew. Mai wanted to see how she would react. Before, Azula would’ve simply summoned blue fire in her hand and Mai would immediately submit. But apparently being with Zuko made Mai gain more of a backbone. Now, she could stand up to Azula without worrying about the consequences. Because they both knew that if Azula laid a hand on Mai, it would be the final straw. 

Azula huffed. “Well, that’s a shame,” she grumbled. She wasn't too put off about what Mai said. There was some truth to it. 

Mai was looking at her closely. “It is,” she mumbled, “Regardless of all your ugly flaws and psychotic moments, you did provide some sort of entertainment in my life.” 

Azula raised her chin, eyes narrowed. "And regardless of your betrayal, you did prove useful in our mission." 

Something unspoken passed between them. Azula understood it loud and clear. She knew that Mai did too. _Regardless of what happened, we used to be friends._

"What do you want?" Azula asked, crossing her arms. "I know you're not here to have a conversation with me." 

Mai gave her a dubious look. "Am I not allowed to speak to the person who nearly killed me and had me thrown into jail?" she questioned. 

"Funny,” Azula drawled. 

"You're allowed to laugh." Mai sighed. After a brief pause, she said, “I’m pregnant.”

Out of all the things Azula expected Mai to say, she didn’t expect _that_. She managed to school her expression into one of disinterest and forced herself not to glance at her former friend. “Does my brother know?” she asked casually, as if they were just discussing different types of tea and not another obstacle to the throne. 

Mai shook her head. “I found out this morning.”

Azula understood what was going on. Mai was testing her. Only she knew about the existence of that baby growing in Mai’s womb. If anything were to happen to the future Fire Lady, it would only be because of Azula. Mai was giving Azula a double-edged sword. _Only you know_ , her dark eyes were saying. It was a warning. 

Azula clenched her jaw but forced herself to smile. She was less angry about Zuko having an heir and more of Mai not trusting her, which was expected. There was no reason for Mai to trust her again. She knew this but it still stung. Why did it sting? Mai was a traitor. 

_It’s good to see you, Mai_.

But she used to be a friend too. 

“Congratulations,” Azula said, clapping her hands, “You’re officially stuck with my brother.”

Mai let out what sounded like a long-suffering sigh. Azula noticed that her hands were no longer hidden in her sleeves. Instead, they were hanging by her sides. 

“I still don’t understand why you wanted the throne so badly,” Mai said, “I’ve seen what it does to Zuko. All he does is worry about the Fire Nation, even though it didn’t care much for him. Honestly, it’s just a bunch of paperwork that he needs to oversee. You would’ve hated it.” 

“Because it’s boring?” Azula asked, raising one eyebrow.

Mai fixed her with a look. “We hate being bored. That’s something we have in common.”

Azula hummed. There was truth in Mai’s words. She remembered the day of Sozin’s Comet and how Father had promised the throne to her, even though it would’ve meant nothing if he was the Phoenix King. The war would’ve been won already. There would be nothing left to fight against. She would always be a weapon by her father’s side, made to be kept sharp and used to cut those who would dare defy the Fire Lord. For the longest time, Azula thought that was what she wanted. 

It wasn't. She was tired of fighting. The one thing that had driven her to fight was gone. She didn't have a father to please anymore. 

"You will be Fire Lady," Azula said after a moment, "You will be by Zuko's side, watching over his children, making his tea, comforting him, being his _wife._ Sounds boring to me. Is that what you wanted when you betrayed me for him?" 

Something flashed in Mai's eyes. "It doesn't matter what I want," she murmured, "He is the Fire Lord."

_I love Zuko more than I fear you._

"Is it because you love him?" Azula asked, almost mockingly.

"Yes." Mai's answer was swift. "There are some things you wouldn't know when it comes to love." 

The letter tucked in her breast pocket _burned._ Azula forced herself not to react. Mai's words cut like a knife. Another reminder that she wasn't as loved as her brother. 

"Love is weakness," she said, "It gets you to places you don't want to be in, like The Boiling Rock, for example."

Mai levelled her with a look. "It also gets you far away," she shot back, "like Kyoshi Island." 

Azula narrowed her eyes. She didn’t want to admit that she didn’t know what Mai was getting at. Unfortunately, maybe because they used to be friends or Mai was just more of a people person than Azula was, the older girl could see right through her. She sighed, 

“Perhaps you should spend less time reading those letters and more time replying to them,” Mai said with a flourish of her hand. 

“What’s it to you?”

“Ty Lee is my friend,” Mai told her, “My best friend, if she didn’t consider you as hers.” 

Azula felt her heart racing inside her ribcage. “It’s been five years,” she said slowly.

“And not a day goes by where she doesn’t think of you.” Mai sighed again. This was probably the fifth time. “You have no idea how much she regretted betraying you back then. I don’t understand why though. I thought it was the bravest thing she ever did.”

Azula thought of the letters Ty Lee had written, apologizing for everything she had done. “If she regretted it, then she shouldn’t have done it,” she murmured, still thinking of the quick jabs Ty Lee had sent her way and the immediate loss of feeling in her limbs. She had been ready to strike Mai down when she saved Zuko’s life but when Ty Lee had saved hers, Azula had simply sent them away. 

She thought about that moment more times than she let on. She always convinced herself that she threw them into jail so that she could punish them at another time. Or maybe a quick death would’ve been too forgiving. She wanted them to suffer but she didn’t want to see them anymore. If it had only been Mai who had been treacherous, Azula would’ve killed her. But Ty Lee had saved her life. Did Azula not want Ty Lee’s sacrifice to go to waste? Why did it matter if Ty Lee saved Mai? Why didn’t Azula kill them both? After all, the temporary loss of her limbs would’ve only sufficed for twenty minutes. Couldn’t she have waited twenty minutes to strike them both down? 

After the war ended, Azula spent her time thinking about what had led to her defeat. When she thought of that day at The Boiling Rock, she couldn’t find the reasoning behind her decision to spare Mai and Ty Lee’s life. They were traitors. Traitors got the worst punishment. One would argue that death was the worst punishment while others would say that it was a lifetime in prison. 

Mai was staring at her. “You really don’t know anything, do you?” she asked

Azula scowled and crossed her arms. “Do enlighten me,” she said with a snarl. 

“Think of this way.” Mai faced her, one hand on the railing of the balcony and the other placed on top of her heart. “That day at The Boiling Rock, I saved Zuko because I loved him and Ty Lee saved me because she loved you. If she could go back in time, she wouldn’t change anything.”

For a split second, Azula let herself be confused. 

Mai groaned. “I don’t have time to play Cupid,” she mumbled, “Zuko is expecting me.” 

She turned, fully intent on leaving the Princess behind, but Azula had already spent far too long thinking about that day at The Boiling Rock. She didn’t want to keep thinking about it anymore. So, she looked over her shoulder and called out Mai’s name. Before, she wouldn’t have let the older girl leave her without any dismissal from her first. But things had changed. Azula knew that she didn’t have any power left on Mai anymore. With the knowledge of Mai’s pregnancy, Azula understood that her former friend would be far more powerful than Azula could’ve ever dreamed of. 

Mai sighed before she looked over her shoulder as well. 

“You should talk to Ty Lee first before I invite her to the wedding,” she said with a bored expression on her face, “That would save us the trouble of an emotional reunion.” 

“You wouldn’t want that, of course,” Azula replied. 

Mai shrugged. “Just talk to her.” 

“Why are you doing this?” 

The future Fire Lady gave her a narrowed look. “What do you mean?”

Azula pulled the letter out from her breast pocket. “Why do you want me to talk to her?” she asked, “You said so yourself. You don’t understand. So why would you care?”

Mai was one of the most emotionless people Azula had ever met. But standing here now in the balcony, where they used to spend their childhood playing games and training with each other, Azula could see Mai’s normally neutral eyes softening for a split second. The five years had been hard on both of them and yet, in a way, those same years had softened them too.

“Maybe because I’m tired of seeing a dear friend so unhappy,” Mai answered in a soft voice, “or maybe I’m just tired of wishing that you were dead.”

The words cut deeply but Azula just clenched her jaw. 

Mai looked away. “Maybe I just want things to be okay with all four of us again,” she whispered, “Like old times.” 

It became clear that she was thinking of Ember Island.

Azula looked down at the letter in her hand. Ty Lee’s pretty handwriting greeted her. She could hear Mai walking away, her footsteps light against the marble floor. Going against everything that she had held on for the past several years, Azula squeezed her eyes shut, let out a deep breath, and said, “I’m sorry.” 

Mai stopped. Azula could imagine the shock on her face. Like the day Ty Lee had picked her over Azula. But she didn’t turn around. Perhaps she didn’t want Azula to see her reaction. 

“I shouldn’t have tried to kill you,” Azula went on, her voice level but her hands were shaking. She wished she could conjure fire to calm them down; “You just wanted to save my brother.”

Mai shot a smile over her shoulder. “When you finally let yourself love someone,” she said, “you’ll understand why I did it.”

It sounded like a promise. 

Azula always broke her promises. 

**v.**

“I want you to take me to the Sun Warriors.”

Zuko blinked at her. It was barely morning. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. But Mai had gone back to the flower shop, which meant that Zuko was alone in his chambers. Azula could now waltz in through the window ( _mostly because the guards stationed at his door still didn’t trust her_ ) and not worry about seeing her brother in a compromising situation. When she jabbed a finger into his side, he had awoken immediately. Before he could even think to conjure up fire in his hands, Azula had slapped them away and hissed, “ _It’s just me_.”

Now he was rising from his bed and pulling on a robe over his shoulders, confusion and worry setting on his expression. “How do you know about that?” he asked his sister with a tense posture. 

Azula rolled her eyes. “I have my sources,” she said. 

Zuko stared at her. 

“Okay, fine,” she mumbled, crossing her arms, “The Avatar told me to ask you.”

“Aang?” Zuko looked even more confused. “Why would he… _oh_.” 

Azula watched as her brother headed to the bedside table to grab a glass of water he must’ve set there right before bedtime. As he drank his water, she took a look around his chambers. It was vastly empty, except for a few portraits that he hung on the walls. There was one of him and Mai, looking absolutely dreadful in the black paint. But if she looked closely enough, she could see the smallest hints of a smile on Mai’s face. Another portrait hung just over the door to Zuko’s room. It was a family portrait. One that had been painted when they were kids. Similar to the one Zuko had burned at Ember Island. 

“The Sun Warriors,” Zuko said, interrupting her reverie, “Why do you want to go to them?”

Azula shrugged. “From what I heard, they’re the original firebending masters,” she said, checking her nails as if they were the most interesting things in the world, “Perhaps the Avatar wanted us to take a trip.”

“The Sun Warriors are a myth.” 

“Zuzu, you really need to work on your poker face,” Azula said snidely, turning to him and flicking his forehead, “You know you can’t lie to me. Plus, your earlier answer was enough evidence to prove that the Sun Warriors are anything but a myth.”

Zuko scowled. “Shut up.” 

Azula smirked. "So, what do you say? Will you take me to the Sun Warriors or not?" 

Her brother looked at her for a long moment, not saying anything. It was clear that he was thinking things thoroughly. Azula, never one to back down from a challenge, raised her chin and met his stare head-on. Both siblings would have stayed like that for hours on end if it meant not backing down first. But Zuko had nothing to lose if he didn’t go with her. Azula couldn’t say the same thing for herself.

So, she bowed her head, still holding her brother’s gaze, and whispered, “Please, Zuko.” 

Zuko’s eyes widened slightly before he let out a deep breath and asked, “Do you even know what we’re going to find when we go to them?”

“No,” she admitted. Before her defeat, she would’ve rather dropped dead than admit that she didn’t know anything. However, times were different now. Her brother wouldn’t hurt her if she showed the slightest bit of weakness. He wasn’t like Ozai. It was time to trust him. “But,” she added, “the Avatar told me to ask you. I figured it was important.”

Zuko sized her up, as if looking for any discrepancies and lies that she could still be holding. When all he found was her steady gaze and straight posture, he finally relented. He waved a hand at her, turning away. “Okay,” he said, “I’ll send Aang a letter.” 

Azula raised her eyebrows. “What for?”

“It’ll take us a few days to get to the city,” Zuko answered, “We’ll leave tomorrow morning but by the time we’ll finish meeting with the Sun Warriors, Aang can pick us up on Appa. I don’t want us to be away from home for more than a week. In the meantime, I’ll make the necessary preparations to keep the Fire Nation running in our absence.”

Scoffing, Azula rolled her eyes. “The Fire Nation won’t collapse just because you’re on a trip with your little sister.” 

“You never know.” Zuko gave her a tight smile. “I’ll see you at dinner later, Azula.”

That was good of a dismissal as any, coming from her gentle-hearted brother. Azula rolled her eyes once more before she left the way she came. Still, she thought of her brother’s words as she retreated to her own room for the day, intent on rereading a few more letters from Ty Lee. It didn’t come as a surprise to her when she finally realized her brother had grown up and she hadn’t. She was still the same. Here she was—still yearning for what Zuko had. First it had been their mother’s love. Then it was his birthright to the throne. And now it was the throne itself. 

She looked out the window to her bedroom, watching the first rays of the sun shining through the clouds, and spotted Zuko heading to the middle of the garden, right where they used to play when they were children. He was bare-chested, the scar from her lightning still evident on his chest. He began doing his forms, like he always did every morning. At each turn, flames erupted from his fist. 

Azula felt the coldness in her palms and understood that it wasn't just the throne she longed for from her brother. 

**-**

Before they left for their trip, Azula wrote a letter she didn't intend to send. For some reason, it felt like she wouldn't be returning to the palace anymore, which was utterly stupid. She had nowhere else to go, after all. And yet, she found herself sitting at her table long after dinner had ended, a parchment under one hand and her quill in the other. She thought of Ty Lee pouring her soul into the letters she sent her and for some reason, she couldn’t do the same thing. 

Azula had always been good with words, especially when it was to manipulate or undermine people, but those words hadn’t come from the heart. They had come from the mind. They weren’t filled with the deepest desires and fears that Azula had buried deep into her heart, to the point that she could barely think of them in the first place. She wanted to write something down—something _personal_ —but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

Instead, she wrote:

_Dear Ty Lee,_

_I will tell you all the things I want to tell you when we meet again._

_I promise._

_Yours,_

_Azula_

Then she tucked the letter into her breast pocket—right on top of her heart—and went to bed for the night. She had already packed her things for tomorrow morning. All she had to do now was get enough rest for their trip to the Sun Warriors. But she couldn’t sleep. Not really. There was too much on her mind. So, she spent the entire night thinking and thinking… until a guard dropped by her room by the time morning came and informed her that Zuko was already waiting for her outside the palace.

They were to travel on mongoose lizards, which made Azula think of the time she, Mai and Ty Lee had used the same beasts to track down the Avatar. She patted her beast and looked over to her brother, who was saying goodbye to Mai and their mother. Uncle Iroh had already returned to Ba Sing Se by this time. Zuko looked apologetic to be leaving them with his responsibilities but they didn't seem to mind. Azula couldn’t understand why the sight of them made something in her chest ache. 

Even Kiyi, their half-sister, had dropped by to say goodbye. Azula had barely acknowledged her existence since coming back to the palace but for some reason, the wretched little girl approached her shyly. “Azula,” she called, smiling toothily, “I hope you stay safe! I asked Zuzu to protect you on your trip!”

Azula smirked but didn’t say anything. She didn’t need protection. But Kiyi didn’t need to know that. She simply thanked the young girl and waited for Zuko to finish with his goodbyes. It didn’t take long for Ursa to approach her. 

“I wish you safe travels,” her mother said, offering her a smile. 

Azula fixed her with a cool stare. “I appreciate that,” she admitted. 

An awkward silence fell over them. Ursa tilted her head to the clear skies. “I hope that you’ll find what you’re looking for, my dear,” she murmured, “and I hope that you’ll discover yourself along the way.”

Azula bit back a harsh laugh. “It’s just a trip with dear Zuzu,” she pointed out.

“Maybe.” Ursa sighed. “When I left the Fire Nation, I had realized that I lost myself amongst these walls.” She gestured to the palace. “This place has haunted me for so long. I have a feeling that it’s the same for you. It’s good that you’re getting out.”

Azula thought of the first two years she had spent here, the mirrors she had smashed, the voices that had haunted her and the memories that she couldn’t stop replaying in her fractured mind. She didn’t want to admit that her mother was right. It would show weakness—weakness that she just wasn’t ready to face. So she just shrugged and said, “There are worse places to be.” 

Ursa nodded. “Well, you’re right about that.” 

Azula crossed her arms and felt a tension in the air. She didn’t realize she was expecting something until Ursa crossed the space between them and reached forward to pull her into a hug. It completely threw her off and she didn’t return it but she also didn’t push her mother away. Memories of her childhood came rushing back. Her mother, in favoring Zuko, hadn’t given her the love and affection she didn’t realize she needed. At this moment, she realized that this was Ursa’s way of giving back and making up for lost time. 

“Stay safe,” Ursa murmured into her ear, squeezing her daughter, “I love you.”

Azula felt her throat tighten. She didn’t move nor say anything back. Thankfully, Ursa didn’t seem to expect anything out of her as she pulled back with shining eyes and a wide smile. She stepped back, picked Kiyi up into her arms, and walked away. 

_That was me_ , she thought, _that used to be me_.

“Don’t get yourself killed,” a voice from her right drawled. 

Azula sighed and looked at Mai, who had her arms crossed and her head bowed. “Funny seeing you here,” she said, “I would’ve expected you to leave the second you said your goodbyes to my brother.”

Mai shrugged her shoulders. “I wanted to stick around, I guess.” 

Azula nodded as she looked around the surroundings. Zuko was now climbing onto his mongoose lizard and steadying the reins. It was time to go. She turned to Mai again and felt compelled to wait for a few seconds. 

“I hope you took my advice,” Mai went on. 

“About Ty Lee?” Azula asked coolly.

“Who else?”

Remembering the letter she still had in her breast pocket, Azula made a decision. “I’ll see you soon,” she told her former friend. She stuck out her hand stiffly, not sure if it would be accepted, but after a few seconds passed, Mai took it.

“Take care of Zuko,” Mai requested, her stormy eyes searching Azula’s face. 

“I won’t let anything happen to our precious Fire Lord," the younger girl said with a scoff, "Agni knows that this nation would fall apart without a sensible ruler." 

Mai's expression tightened. "I could care less about the Fire Nation," she mumbled, placing her free hand on her belly. 

Azula understood at once. "Okay," she murmured, heading to her mongoose lizard, “I’ll keep him out of trouble.”

And then they were off. 

**-**

The siblings didn’t speak much while they were travelling. The heat of the sun made it almost unbearable to be out in the open, even while wearing casual clothes. They had opted to travel without the Royal Procession to make things faster and to avoid any unwanted attention on them. After all, Zuko had Fire Lord duties he had to return to once this trip to the Sun Warriors was finished. He couldn’t delay any longer. Azula couldn’t help but feel as if she was just another errand he had to do within a limited amount of time. Of course, she could’ve gone without him but she didn’t know what to expect from the Sun Warriors. He also hadn’t offered any vital information. 

When night fell and the mongoose lizards started slowing down, they decided to set up camp in a small, dingy town that was still on course to their destination. Zuko made sure to pay a hefty amount of Fire Nation coins to an innkeeper to ensure that their identities were not disclosed. The war might’ve been over but people never forget the faces of their past conquerors. 

The innkeeper seemed to recognize Azula and scurried away into her own home before bolting it shut. They had already been served their dinner and given a room to sleep in. Azula couldn’t exactly blame her for the extra precaution. 

“Are you going to tell me more about the Sun Warriors or do I have to wrangle it out of you while you’re half asleep?” Azula asked, lying down on the bed and pulling her rucksack with her. Aside from a change of clothes, she had also brought Ty Lee’s letters—kept safely in a small box. She had made a habit of rereading them right before she went to bed. But she couldn’t do that under Zuko’s watchful eye. 

Zuko sighed as he reclined on his bed that was placed a few feet from her. His long hair, which was starting to reach his shoulders, covered his bad eye. “They can help with your bending,” he told her after a moment, “You can get it back.” 

Azula figured as much. The Avatar wouldn’t have sent her on this trip if it didn’t have anything to do with her bending. Still, she couldn’t shake off the feeling that they were pulling her leg. This seemed too good to be true. After everything she had done, why would they help her get her firebending back? 

“How?” she asked sharply. The loss of her firebending was still a touchy subject for her. 

“You’ll see.” Zuko looked at her. “Can I ask you a question now?” 

“No.”

“Azula.”

She sighed, crossed her arms and gave a reluctant nod. Zuko straightened his back and folded his arms over his belly. He seemed relaxed but cautious at the same time. And yet, when their eyes met, his expression was tinged with worry. “What happened?” he asked after a beat passed. 

Azula frowned. “With what?”

“The past three years.” He let out a shaky breath. “You were gone for so long. We were beginning to think you were dead.” 

“You would’ve liked that better, huh?” Azula sniped. 

“No.” Zuko’s face went gaunt at the implication. “You’re my sister, Azula. I would never want you dead.” 

That was a bold-faced lie. Their childhood had been spent pitting them against each other. Azula couldn’t blame him if he wanted her dead. After all, she had wished for his demise so many times before, especially during the aftermath of their Agni Kai. 

She didn’t call him out on it as she remembered the past three years. “I was just… surviving,” she finally answered when it became clear that her silence would not deter Zuko’s determination to get the full story out of her, “The first year was the hardest. I almost died a couple of times due to hunger or even other illnesses but my body always pushed through. I still had my firebending so it was easy to light a fire, purify water or even cook the meat that I had caught. But then one night, I got a fever so bad that I couldn’t move without collapsing. Thankfully, I managed to find a little farm where a family took me under their wing and cared for me until I felt better. But when I woke up, I couldn’t even light a candle.”

Azula didn’t tell Zuko of the nightmares she had during those feverish days. It still haunted her until now. It was as if her heart and mind were caught in a battle. She remembered everything she had done but instead of being filled with a joyous pride at her accomplishments, she had simply felt sick to the stomach. 

“I knew that I couldn’t survive without my bending,” Azula went on, biting her lower lip as she remembered the helplessness of the situation, “so I worked on that farm for food and shelter. They… they gave me a place at their dining table. It was hard at first. I didn’t want to be there but they didn’t want me dying off in the wilderness. And slowly, I started to trust them.”

It had been hard at first but it was necessary.

“Who were they?” Zuko asked gently.

“A family of three.” Azula sighed. “The father is named Kol. The mother is named Shiya. They had a young boy. His name was Zen.” 

“Was?” 

“He died.” Azula remembered the cries of Lok and Shiya when they had woken up and Zen had passed on. “He was very sickly. It was only a matter of time.” 

Zuko’s expression was sorrowful. “I’m sorry to hear about that.”

Azula nodded. She hadn’t been close with Zen but his death had hurt too, especially when he had brought a smile on her face more times than she could count. “I left soon after,” Azula murmured, noticing Zuko’s raised eyebrows, “I didn’t want to be a replacement to the child they had lost.” 

“Oh.” Her brother nodded. “I see.” 

“So, it was another year in the wilderness,” Azula added, “but I managed to get by with what I learned from the farm. It was hard work but it helped me survive. I thought I would have to live like that for the rest of my life. But I didn’t want to anymore. So, that’s why I came home to the Royal Palace.” 

Zuko nodded. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“Don’t be,” Azula said, almost harshly before she felt her voice soften, “It was a wake-up call.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.” 

“Good.” Azula reached out and shut off the candlelight. “I was done talking.” She turned to her side, facing the wall and hugging the bag to her chest. She wanted to read Ty Lee’s letter but she had already shut off the light to stop talking to her brother. Now she could only hold onto the box in which her friend’s words were stored and closed her eyes to get some much needed rest, which still evaded her.

The next morning, they continued their travels. Once again, it was quiet between them, even though Zuko did try to make conversation by pointing out some clouds and saying that they were animal-shaped. Azula didn’t have the energy to tell him to get his one good eye checked after he said that one of the clouds looked like the Avatar’s lemur. This went on for two more days. 

One time, Zuko stopped her in the middle of the forest. “There’s something you need to know,” he said, dropping from the mongoose lizard and taking a unique stance—one that she hadn’t seen before, “I have to teach you the Dancing Dragon.” 

Azula wrinkled her nose. “I don’t want to dance with you.” 

“You’ll have to,” Zuko said with a smile, “if you want to get your firebending back.”

Soon after learning the Dancing Dragon, they arrived at the ancient city of the Sun Warriors. For some reason, their arrival was expected. Once they tied up their mongoose lizards in the forest and maneuvered their way past the booby traps Zuko pointed out, they found a bunch of men in weird looking orange costumes waiting for them right in the middle of the city. 

“We warned you not to speak of this city to anybody,” the leader—a fat man with a large headdress—told Zuko disapprovingly, “and yet, you bring your sister with you.” 

Zuko went down to his knees. “I’m very sorry, Chief,” he said, sounding sincerely apologetic. Azula stood back, watching him carefully. If Father could see him now— 

“Why did you bring her here?” the Chief asked roughly.

“She has lost her firebending,” Zuko answered and Azula held her breath at the way the Sun Warriors reacted to this statement, “and I brought her here in the hopes that she will gain it back.”

“Not only have you disobeyed the one thing we asked of you,” the leader of the Sun Warriors said, glowering at the siblings before raising a hand and pointing straight at Azula, “but you have brought somebody who was instrumental in the Hundred Year War, who has tarnished the Fire Nation’s history, who takes after her forefathers that have hunted down nearly every last dragon in existence.” 

One Sun Warrior stepped up. “She is not welcome here.”

Azula’s heart dropped to her stomach. Of course. This was too good to be true. Nobody would be stupid enough to return her firebending. She didn’t deserve it. She was just like her father. The Avatar should’ve taken her bending right from the very beginning instead of giving her some kind of hope—hope that was instantly destroyed the second she stepped foot into this ancient city. The disappointment she felt was so thick and bitter, she felt like throwing up right there and then.

Before, she would’ve summoned lightning, struck them all down and demanded that they follow her very wishes. But her hands were empty. She couldn’t even light up a candle. There was no way she could take on the Sun Warriors. She was as good as dead. 

Then Zuko suddenly rose to his feet. His hands were smoking. When he raised his head, he looked every bit the Fire Lord that he was always destined to be. “When I came here years ago,” he began, “you gave me a chance. You didn’t hold my past against me. I ask you to do the same for her. She is my sister, which means she shares the same blood as I do. She has Roku and Sozin in her. And if I can choose the good side, even though I was raised in the bad one, then she should be given the same opportunity.”

The Sun Warriors were looking at her in disdain but Azula found herself staring at Zuko’s side profile—the one without the scar. This was her brother and he was _defending_ her. The gesture meant more to her than she’d actually let him know. It felt like a furnace had started in the pit of her stomach, warming her to the very core. 

The Sun Warriors talked amongst themselves for a long, long time. Azula heard the names Ran and Shaw being thrown around. Finally, after what felt like hours but was only fifteen minutes, they turned to the siblings.

“The Masters are expecting you,” the Chief confessed, “which is why you found us waiting here. As much as we want to turn you away, we understand that there are things that are out of our control. Come. They are waiting.”

Azula was frozen. Zuko turned to her, reached out and squeezed her shoulder. “It’s going to be fine,” he said, smiling down at her, “They’ll find you worthy.”

She let out a deep breath. “And if they don’t?” 

Something dark passed through his expression. “Then at least you tried.”

They were led to a small enclave, where a large fire was burning. Azula watched as the Chief scooped up a flame into his hands and approached her with great caution. When their eyes met, it was clear that he didn’t have much hope for her. It irked her endlessly. _I’ll prove him wrong_ , she thought to herself. She accepted the flame, the same way she had accepted it from the Avatar, and straightened her back. 

“Take the flame to the mountains,” the Chief told her, “The Masters are waiting for you there.” 

It proved harder than she expected. Since losing her bending, she couldn’t control the fire as much as she would’ve liked. It was small—smaller than when it was given to her. Zuko, as patiently as he could, gave her tips on how to keep the flame going. It was completely humiliating. Azula had to bite her tongue to stop herself from reminding Zuko that she was still the better firebender. But she knew this was a lie. She was no longer a firebender, especially if she failed in this task. 

When they arrived at the top of the mountain, the Sun Warriors were waiting for them. Azula looked around, taking note of her surroundings. A temple had been carved from the mountain, split down in the middle. She spotted two large holes on either side of the temple and for some reason, this unnerved her. 

“Take your flame to the top of the platform,” the Chief informed her grimly. She couldn’t really tell if he was disappointed that she had made it this far. 

Azula glanced at Zuko, who gave her a warm smile. 

“You’re on your own now,” he said, “I’ve already been up there. Now, it’s your turn. Remember what I taught you.” Then he stepped back, falling into place with the Sun Warriors. 

She looked down at the flame in her hand. It was still alive, small but steady. She took a deep breath and nodded to herself. She needed this. She _needed_ her firebending back. If it wasn’t returned to her, then she wouldn’t know what to do with herself. Setting her shoulders, she looked back at the platform and started her ascent. 

When she reached the top, her feet were aching and her chest was burning. But she was here. She had made it. The fire was still cupped in her hands. It was warm. It gave her strength. She held it in place as she waited for _something_ to happen. Below her, the Sun Warriors started a ritual. They beat against drums and hummed in tune with one another. Something was happening. The Masters were coming. 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the mountain rumbled. Azula nearly fell on her knees but managed to right herself. She kept the flame close to her chest, trying to keep it from burning out or from being extinguished by the wind. Looking around hastily, she realized that something was coming out of the two holes she had spotted earlier. 

_Dragons_. 

Azula couldn’t believe her eyes. 

Two gigantic dragons—one blue, one red—came out from within the mountains and circled around her. They roared and breathed fire. But Azula didn’t feel the scorching heat she expected from such magnificent beasts. Instead, she felt _warm_. This was an entirely foreign feeling. Fire had always hurt for her. It never felt so… _comforting_. 

The dragons stopped moving and fixed their golden eyes on her. They were intelligent. They were searching her soul. The red one looked over her shoulder and Azula realized that it was looking at her brother. She glanced at Zuko and found the rest of the Sun Warriors kneeling in front of the temple. Zuko was doing the same thing but he occasionally looked up to see if she was okay. He nodded and Azula understood. 

She took the fire in her palms and began the Dancing Dragon. It looked odd without a partner but she tried not to pay attention to it. Instead of focusing on the fact that she was alone, she took the flame that had been given to her and incorporated it into the dance. She was a fast learner, she had quickly mastered the form after a few steps from Zuko. Doing the dance was different from her usual firebending forms. There was no force in each step and form she took. Instead, she felt as if she was… _dancing_. 

When she finished the final form, it was quiet. The flame she had been given earlier was now gone. 

The dragons were still staring. There was no doubt in her mind that they could see right through her. _Please_ , she thought, _help me. I am nothing without my fire._

The blue dragon opened its mouth all of a sudden and breathed fire straight at her. The red dragon quickly followed suit. Azula raised her arms to protect herself but there was no pain. Instead, the warm feeling continued to overwhelm her. She opened her eyes and saw flames of different colors—orange, green, blue, purple, red—coming together to form a vacuum around her. And as she peered closer into those flames, she finally understood. 

The dragons retreated back to the mountains, bringing their fire with them. Azula fell down on her knees, exhausted and sleep-deprived. She looked up at the setting sun, feeling the warmth on her face, and promptly collapsed into a fitful sleep. 

**-**

“Azula?”

Zuko’s voice. 

Azula opened her eyes and found herself staring up at the night sky. A quick look around her surroundings confirmed her suspicions. They were back in the forest where they had last left the mongoose dragons. Zuko had set up camp and was now tending to the fire. He immediately went to her side once he saw her rousing from her sleep.

“How long have I been out?” she asked, feeling the itch in her throat. Zuko gave her water, which she quickly drank. 

“A few hours,” her brother responded. 

“What happened?”

Zuko shrugged. “Not much. You just collapsed after Ran and Shaw returned to their homes.”

She winced. That didn’t sit well with her. She hated looking weak. When she looked up at Zuko’s face, however, she found no disdain or anger in his expression. Instead, he looked relieved to see her. 

_Not like Father_ , Azula thought.

“Can you—?” Zuko nodded at her hands, which were still wrapped around the cup which held the water he had given her. 

Azula realized she didn’t know if she had her bending back. She felt different but she couldn't pinpoint what the change was. Putting away the cup, she rose to her feet and Zuko followed suit. Without another word, they did the Dancing Dragon. When they finished, their arms were outstretched towards each other with their knuckles nearly touching. Zuko was smiling. It took Azula a split second to realize that she was too. It felt _freeing_. She could feel the warmth coming from her brother and she knew, without having to ask, that he felt the same from her. 

They straightened their backs and fell into a basic firebending form. When they were children, it had been Azula who taught Zuko the basics. She would point out his clumsiness, encourage him to do better and even occasionally sparred with him. But things had come a long way from their childhood. Now, it was him watching her posture, nodding at the way she held herself, gently telling her to widen her stance and smiling when she followed without a snide remark. 

For the first time in a long time, when Azula pushed her hands forward, blue fire came from her palms. 

“Yes!” Zuko pumped the air with his fist. “You did it!” 

Azula stared at where the fire had gone. Her entire body was warm. It felt familiar and safe but most importantly, it felt like _home_. Her arms returned to their sides as she processed the events of the night. Zuko was still celebrating behind her, sounding so happy and relieved that it made something in her chest twist. He was happy. He was happy _for her_ , even after everything she had done. Even after all the taunts, all the insults, and all the times she had tried to kill him. He was _happy_. She couldn’t believe it. 

_How can somebody be so_ good _?_ She asked herself, looking down at her hands. It wasn’t for the first time in her life that she wondered if she and Zuko were truly related. He was so different from her. He was gentle, kind and _forgiving_. She couldn’t understand it. 

Azula remembered what the Avatar had told her. 

_Fire is life. It is warmth, it is comfort, it is new beginnings._

“Zuko,” she called, turning to her brother.

Zuko promptly stopped dancing and looked at her. The smile faded when he saw the serious expression on her face. “What is it?” he asked. For the first time since they started on this trip, he looked unnerved. 

Azula took a deep breath, felt her newly-discovered fire swirling in her lungs, and knelt down on her knees. Then she bowed. She bowed down so deeply that her forehead touched the earth and she could smell the fresh grass right against her nose. She heard Zuko take a step back, shocked by the gesture, but before he could ask, she said, “Forgive me.” 

“Azula…” He sounded so lost and confused. “What are you—?”

“Forgive me,” she repeated, tears clogging her throat, “Forgive me for everything I have done against you.” 

He was quiet, watching and waiting. Azula gripped the blades of grass between her fingers and tried to clear her eyes of tears. But they just kept coming. She was so grateful for her brother that she couldn’t even begin to come up with the right words to convey how she felt. She wondered if it was love but she knew it wasn't. Not yet, anyway. 

“I’m sorry,” she went on, “I’m sorry for everything, Zuko.” 

She hoped it would be enough.

But when Zuko didn’t move, she knew that she had to say something else. “You didn’t have to do this,” she murmured, “Nobody else would’ve done this. I… I’ve been a terrible person. I’ve hurt people and I’ve enjoyed it. I've nearly killed you and your friends. And yet, you still went with me, you still helped me and you—”

The rest of her sentence was cut off by the sound of Zuko dropping to his knees in front of her. When she looked up, she saw that he was bowing as well, his head inclined to the ground and his fingers clutching the blades of grass beneath his palms. When he spoke, his voice sounded watery. 

“I’m sorry too,” he said, “I should’ve been there for you more. I saw that you needed help and I locked you away. I shouldn't have treated you like Ozai. I—I—I failed you as a brother.” 

The two of them sat like that for several seconds, not moving, not saying anything, not even daring to breathe. Then Azula reached forward and laid a gentle hand on her brother’s shoulder. Zuko raised his head. There were tears coming from his good eye. They locked gazes and they both smiled. 


	3. three.

**vi.**

When morning came, the Avatar arrived on his sky bison. He seemed very chirpy and happy to see Zuko, even though it meant seeing Azula as well. Still, as he helped her get on top of the sky bison, his lips were stretched out into a wide smile. Zuko was also smiling. Everybody was smiling. Azula realized that she didn’t particularly hate this. 

“How did it go?” the Avatar asked while Zuko released the mongoose lizards into the wild. 

To answer, Azula shot two jets of blue fire from her palms into the skies. The Avatar whistled in appreciation. She smirked. It felt _so_ good. 

"She's back," Zuko said, almost fondly, if he didn't look the slightest bit worried, "Just don't steal the throne again, okay?" 

Azula scoffed. "Of course not," she mumbled. 

The Avatar pointed to the skies. "If it's not too much trouble," he said, "Can you teach me how to bend lightning?" 

Both Zuko and Azula gave him a look. The Avatar shrugged sheepishly. "What?" he asked with a broad grin, "I still have a lot to learn, you know." 

Azula sighed and leaned back against the sky bison's saddle. "Whatever," she mumbled, crossing her arms. In doing so, she heard the crinkle of the letter she still had tucked under her clothes. With a small frown, she pulled it out and read the contents again. _I promise_ , she had written. 

“Avatar,” she called out suddenly.

Both Zuko and the Avatar looked at her. “What’s up, Azula?” the latter asked with a confused tilt of his head. 

“I need to go to Kyoshi Island,” Azula said firmly. 

Zuko’s mouth dropped. “What business do you have—?” Then it dawned on him and his lips split into a wide grin. “Oh,” he added wickedly, “I see.”

The Avatar glanced between them curiously. “What’s on Kyoshi Island?” he asked. 

“It’s _who_ , Aang.” Zuko couldn’t stop grinning now. 

“Just a friend,” Azula answered smoothly. 

The Avatar frowned, trying to think of who it could be. When it finally dawned on him, he snapped his fingers and exclaimed, “ _Ty Lee_!” He seemed extremely pleased with himself for having figured it out and Azula felt the corners of her lips twitch. In another life, it might’ve been a smile. But there was no way she was going to give the Avatar the satisfaction.

“Maybe, maybe not,” she grumbled, trying to squash the warmth she felt in the pit of her stomach. 

“We can go to Kyoshi Island after we drop off our Fire Lord here.” The Avatar picked up the reins and quickened the sky bison’s pace. The altitude in which they had been travelling got a little steeper and Azula had to hold on for dear life. 

Zuko leaned forward from the other side of the saddle. “You haven’t seen her in like, what—five years?” he asked.

Azula nodded slowly. “Yes,” she admitted. 

“She sent you letters.” Zuko glanced away. “I kept them from you for a long time.”

“I know.” Azula also looked away. "It's good that you did." 

He stared at her, puzzled. "I thought you would be mad at me." 

"Well, I'm not." She crossed her arms, tilted her face to the sun, and basked in its warmth. "If you had given them to me before, I would've burned them immediately." 

"Would you have cared then?" 

"No," Azula confessed, "but I care now." 

The trip back didn't take as long as it did while travelling on a sky bison. Once they arrived at the Royal Palace, they found Ursa, Mai and Kiyi already waiting for them. Even though the sky bison was still a few feet from the ground, Zuko propelled forward from the saddle and slowed his descent to the ground using fire from his hands. Then he embraced his mother, pinched Kiyi's cheek, and kissed Mai firmly. 

Azula gagged at the sight. 

"What about you, Azula?” the Avatar asked, “Are you going down there?” 

“I’d rather get chained to a grate.” Azula glowered. “ _Again_.” She looked at the bag she had brought along. “Besides, I already have everything I need.” 

“You already prepared your stuff?”

“Yes.” Azula stared at the entirety of the Royal Palace and couldn’t deny the relief that she felt in her bones at the thought of leaving it all behind. 

"Still." The Avatar looked concerned. "I think you should say goodbye." 

"I’ll be back," Azula promised with a sigh, "After all, there is still a wedding to attend in the near future." 

The young boy sitting next to her—the sole reason her father had failed in his conquest as Phoenix King—gave her a wide, easy smile. Things had changed so much. Azula found herself looking forward to the future instead of fighting against it. 

Without another word, the Avatar pulled on the reins to his sky bison and they were off into the air. Below them, Azula heard her mother exclaim, " _Where is she going?_ " in a worried tone that left a bittersweet feeling in the back of her throat. She knew that Zuko would explain. She knew that her brother had her back. And when Azula looked back down at the grounds of the Royal Palace and spotted Mai staring up at them with a hand raised against her forehead to shield against the sun, she also knew that her former friend was smiling at her. 

**-**

The trip to Kyoshi Island was faster on top of a sky bison. And with the Avatar’s endless chatter about the Avatar in which the island had been named for, Azula found time passing quickly. She also found herself falling asleep on numerous occasions. She wouldn’t have stood for this before. It was dangerous to fall asleep next to somebody she once considered an enemy. But the Avatar, noticing that she had drifted off, didn’t say anything. Instead, he just hummed a song under his breath. It sounded like a lullaby. 

A few hours later, she woke up and saw that the skies had darkened. A quick look around confirmed her suspicions that they still hadn’t reached Kyoshi Island yet. She sat up, rubbing her eyes, and saw the Avatar still holding the reins. “We’re almost there,” he called out, as if sensing that she was already awake.

With nothing better to do, Azula approached him cautiously. “I didn’t get enough sleep on our trip to the Sun Warriors,” she explained.

The Avatar gave her a surprised look. “That’s alright, Azula,” he said with a bright grin, “Appa and I are used to flying in silence, especially if we're alone.” He paused, as if thinking about his next words carefully. “Besides, I don’t think you’re the talking type.” 

Azula let out a sigh. “Well, you’re right about that.” 

They fell into a tense—almost uncomfortable—silence. Just because she was no longer actively trying to kill him, Azula didn’t think she was obligated to speak to him like a friend. So she leaned back on her arms and watched the clouds flit through the night sky. The moon was partially hidden but its glow still provided them with a cool light. 

Soon, a tiny island came into view. When the Avatar pointed it out, Azula sat up straighter. She fixed her gaze on Kyoshi Island, where she could see a few lanterns lighting up the path. The sky bison lowered itself to the ground gently. It was probably the smoothest landing Azula had ever experienced, especially if she compared it to all the war balloons she had ridden in the past. Almost at once, a voice called out, “ _It’s the Avatar!_ ” and shadows suddenly jumped out from their hiding spots. 

It was the Kyoshi Warriors. They stood in a loose circle around them, poised to attack. A few of the warriors held katanas. Others held steel fans. Azula was quick to recognize the leader—Suki, standing right in front of the sky bison with a resolute expression written on her face. Unconsciously, Azula felt her gaze flickering between each warrior, trying to find the familiar steel grey eyes she had grown up with and the long braid that she had wanted to touch on so many occasions. She tried to chastise herself. Just because she was here doesn’t mean she would be welcomed. 

“Suki!” The Avatar called, waving his arms, “It’s just me.”

“We know,” Suki responded loudly, “It’s who you brought along that we’re not so sure about.” 

The Avatar gave Azula a nervous glance before he grabbed his staff and jumped down from the sky bison. He approached Suki quickly and spoke to her in a lowered tone. For sure, he was insisting that Azula had changed, that ever since she had returned from being presumed dead, she had no plans on hurting anybody any longer. Judging from Suki’s dubious expression, it was clear she was having a hard time believing this. 

Azula expected this from the Kyoshi Warriors. After all, she had defeated them, used their disguises and had them thrown into prison. They had every right not to trust her. But she hoped, as she continued to look for Ty Lee in the identical set of faces she was met with, that they would. 

Finally, after what felt like forever, the Avatar turned to her and gestured for her to come down. Azula sighed in relief and used her fire to slow her descent from the sky bison’s back. She saw the Kyoshi Warriors twitch in response and had to bite back a grin. 

“I don’t know what you did to Aang that made him think that you’ve changed,” Suki said, glaring at her, “but if you put one toe out of line, I’ll personally make sure you regret it.” 

Before, Azula would’ve taunted her. She might’ve even laughed. Or even burned Suki’s face full of make-up with a burning hand. A sick, twisted part of her thought of doing all those things. Instead, she simply gave a firm nod. For a brief second, surprise was evident in Suki's expression. It passed quickly.

“What’s your business here?” the leader of the Kyoshi Warriors asked. 

To answer truthfully would be to reveal a part of herself that Azula didn’t want any stranger—much less, a former enemy—to see. But she also knew that if she answered any differently, then Suki would see right through her bullshit. She clenched her jaw, weighing her options, before she met the Avatar’s expectant gaze over Suki’s shoulder. She let out a reluctant sigh. 

“Ty Lee,” Azula answered softly, “I came to see Ty Lee.” 

Suki’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Oh,” she said. She took a step back. “I see. I’ll take you to her house. Just wait a second.”

Azula felt shameful for some strange reason. But then she heard footsteps approaching her and felt the Avatar’s hand patting her on the back. He seemed pleased. The rest of the Kyoshi Warriors disbanded, throwing cautious glances over their shoulder at Azula. Other than that, they left her alone.

“Well,” she said, shrugging off the Avatar’s hand from her shoulder, “that was humiliating.”

The Avatar laughed. “Only you would think that,” he mumbled. He pointed at the nearest household. “Anyway, I’ll be spending time with the locals. You’ll be okay with Ty Lee, right?”

Azula looked at him. “You’re not going to… babysit me?”

He seemed surprised at the suggestion. “No, why would I? If you had wanted to wreak havoc, I doubt you’d do it by willingly getting on Appa and announcing your arrival to a bunch of skilled warriors.” He shrugged, grinning at the shock on her expression. “Just don’t burn anything down when you meet up with Ty Lee, okay?” 

With those final words, he left with a spring in his step. The sky bison was led by another Kyoshi Warrior to some shed where he could rest for the night. Azula spotted Suki walking towards her. 

“Just so you know,” the other girl said, almost casually, “Ty Lee has taught us chi blocking.”

Azula scowled in annoyance. “So I’ve heard.”

The two of them travelled away from the center of the town and down a path that led straight to the beach. Azula kept her hands folded behind her back as she followed the Kyoshi Warrior to Ty Lee’s house. The beach was beautiful and calm, the waves crashing gently against the shore. A short distance away, she spotted what looked like the unagi that Ty Lee had once described in her letters resurfacing from the water. Then she tilted her head up and saw the moon hidden behind the clouds, remembering how Ty Lee had spoken fondly of them in one of her letters as well. 

For the past several months, Azula had spent her time envisioning what Kyoshi Island looked like through Ty Lee’s letters. Now she was here. It was exactly as Ty Lee had described but Azula, for the life of her, couldn’t understand why her old friend had made a home out of this place. 

Ty Lee loved travelling. This was why she joined the circus in the first place. Ty Lee also hated being part of a matched set and yet, she had agreed to be part of the Kyoshi Warriors, who could only be told apart by their hairstyles. It was as if the Ty Lee that Azula had known in her childhood wasn’t the Ty Lee that had written those letters or became one of the good guys or lived in a house by the beach. 

“Here we are,” Suki said, interrupting Azula’s reverie. 

Azula looked up and was met with a two-story rickety building standing on top of a small cliff that overlooked the beach. It was curious that Ty Lee was the only person living here as the view was absolutely breathtaking. At Azula’s furrowed eyebrows, Suki provided the answer to her unvoiced question: “Ty Lee is the only one brave enough to live near the unagi.” 

“Of course she is.” Azula chose well, after all. 

Suki was staring at her. She didn’t say anything but Azula could already imagine what was on her mind. With an annoyed huff, she climbed the steps leading to Ty Lee’s house but not before she looked over her shoulder and told Suki, “I get it. If I hurt her, you’re going to make me pay.” 

“Good.” Suki turned and left without another word. 

Azula found herself standing in front of Ty Lee’s door, five years since they had last seen each other. For a split second, she was afraid she had made the wrong decision. What if Ty Lee didn’t want to see her? What if she was perfectly content with Azula being far away from her because with distance came the promise that she could no longer be harmed? As much as Azula wanted to pretend that she didn’t have a heart, she knew that Ty Lee turning her away would only break it. But she had already made it this far. And she still had the letter she wanted to give to her old friend. 

With a deep breath, Azula raised her fist and knocked on the door. 

She could hear hurried footsteps from inside and Ty Lee’s voice, ringing loud and clear in Azula’s ears: “ _Coming_!” Her heart jumped to her throat. This was a mistake. She wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to face the one person who had betrayed her at the most crucial point in her life. Mai, she had expected. But Ty Lee? No. In her mind, Ty Lee had been her second-in-command but she was also more than that—she had been her dear friend. The one who saw the cracks in Azula’s facade and still thought she was perfect. The one person Azula didn’t think twice about turning her back on because never in a million years did she expect to be stabbed in the back. 

Why was Azula here? Why had she willingly sat on top of the Avatar’s sky bison and travelled across the world to see somebody who had betrayed her? Why did the letter she had written for Ty Lee burn against the skin of her chest? She didn’t know the answers to the questions that plagued her mind. 

Why?

 _Because I wanted to see her_ , came the final answer that Azula’s mind could come up with. 

And with that answer came another—in the form of Ty Lee opening the door, the light from inside spilling forth and making her _glow_. Azula’s eyes widened. She felt her heart racing inside her chest. There was a split second where she could only _stare_. 

Ty Lee had grown, that much was certain. She was taller now, holding a few inches over Azula. She still wore her hair in a long braid and her grey eyes still held the same childlike wonder and innocence. But her round cheeks had sharpened, her skin a darker shade and the rest of her body fuller. She looked older, mature and beautiful. _Still beautiful,_ Azula thought to herself. 

“Azula,” Ty Lee whispered her name like a prayer. 

Azula pressed her hands together—one hand open, the other closed into a fist—and bowed deeply. “Ty Lee,” she greeted. Her voice sounded odd, even to her own ears. “I know that it’s been a long time since we’ve seen each other. Upon reading your letters, I have come—”

But Azula’s words were interrupted by arms being thrown around her and a body pressed against hers. She staggered back, almost falling on the steps behind her, but she managed to right herself just in time. Ty Lee was holding her tightly—so tightly that Azula couldn’t even draw in a breath. It took her several long seconds to realize that Ty Lee wasn't going to let go anytime soon. So, with a sigh, Azula returned the embrace. 

"It's good to see you, Azula," Ty Lee murmured. 

Azula nodded, breathing her in. "It's good to see you too." 

They broke apart after a minute. Ty Lee's eyes were shining as she smiled at her. Azula remembered the warmth she had felt visiting the dragons and felt the same warmth now. She knew that she had felt it before—five years earlier, when Azula searched the circus to look for a familiar face. It had been nice to see her old friend and it was still nice five years later, despite everything that had gone wrong between them. 

A shadow passed across Ty Lee’s face suddenly and she bowed down in front of Azula. The sight was startling to see. It had been a long time since somebody had bowed down for her. She wasn’t sure if she appreciated it or not. 

“I’m sorry for interrupting you,” Ty Lee said and she sounded so much like her old self that it gave Azula unpleasant memories. 

"Don't." Azula sighed. "You don't have to do that anymore." She gestured inside the house. "Can I come in?" 

Ty Lee seemed surprised that Azula had asked permission. After all, when they were kids, what belonged to Ty Lee automatically belonged to her too. But she eventually took a step back and let Azula in. 

"It's not much," Ty Lee said, almost shyly, "but it's home." 

Azula stiffened. _Home._ She wondered what that felt like. She walked inside the living room first, eyes searching the walls, the furniture and the decoration. It was, as she expected, very _Ty Lee._ The walls weren't pink but she knew that if the other girl had the time, she would've painted it her favorite color already. 

What made the house clearly Ty Lee's was the chaotic nature of it. There was not a single thing in place. Framed pictures hung on the wall ( _Azula bit her lip when she noticed one showing the four of them back at Ember Island, taken right after destroying Chan's place_ ) but they were crooked, always leaning a bit to the side. Little trinkets that Ty Lee must've collected during her time here—jewelry, make-up, pens, letters, even colorful stones—could be found on every visible surface. The furniture all had a dash of pink on them, like a pink pillow or a pink blanket or a pink shirt discarded on top of it. Everything felt overwhelming and Azula's heart aches for reasons she couldn't understand. For some reason, she felt as if she had been left behind. 

"Have you had dinner?" Ty Lee asked, appearing by her side. 

Azula's throat burned. "No," she said, "I haven't." 

"Good!" Ty Lee hurried to the kitchen, a nervous energy surrounding her. "I'll go prepare us something spicy."

Azula sat down at the dining table while Ty Lee started preparing dinner. She hadn't known for the acrobat to be a cook but perhaps the long years in this island has taught her a thing or two. All she could do was sit, cross her legs and watch as Ty Lee sliced vegetables, cooked the meat and tasted everything. 

"You said something about my letters," Ty Lee mumbled after nearly half an hour of pained, awkward silence. Azula's stomach had grumbles twice. Their dinner was almost finished.

"Yes," Azula replied shortly, “I read them all.”

Ty Lee went to prepare two plates, a curious expression on her face. "I didn't know you had them," she admitted, "There was never a response." 

"Well, I _was_ in prison," Azula said as patiently as she could, "Then I was transferred to the mental institute. Afterwards, I ran away from my brother and stayed hidden for three years. I couldn’t really grab a pen and paper and write to you while all of that was happening. So, there's that." 

Ty Lee winced. "I'm sorry, I didn't know how to—" 

"Ty Lee," Azula whispered softly, her shoulders relaxing, "it's okay." She fixed the collar of her shirt, clearing her throat. “Besides, Zuko kept all your letters away from me most of the time.” 

“He did?” For a split second, Ty Lee sounded angry. “Why did he do that?” 

“Because he knew that I’d destroy them,” Azula said simply and Ty Lee flinched at the truth in her words. 

The conversation died down as Ty Lee finished cooking their dinner. She split it between them both and said a small prayer of thanks to the gods and spirits. Azula dug into her share quickly, unable to fight off the hunger that had plagued her the entire day. To her surprise, it was _delicious_. Almost as good as the food served back at the Royal Palace. Within seconds, Azula had finished hers and Ty Lee, who was halfway through her third spoon, laughed heartily. 

“Did you have a long trip?” she asked, looking at Azula with a fond gaze. 

Azula found her throat going dry so she reached for the glass of water provided for her and nodded. “We went to the Sun Warriors,” she explained. 

“Oh?” Ty Lee tilted her head to the side, confused. “I thought those guys were a myth?” 

It was in that exact moment that it occurred to Azula just how much time had passed between them. And yet, she found her lips twitching into a smile at the realization that they had all the time in the world now. Five years had passed but their lives were just starting. Azula, after years and years of being imprisoned and left to her own devices, now had something else to look forward to other than pleasing her father and claiming nations under her name. That was a different time now.

“It’s a long story,” she told Ty Lee, “and I’m kind of tired.” 

After dinner, Azula was led to the guest bedroom, where the walls were bare but the covers to the bed were still a bright pink. Ty Lee reached for her hand and squeezed it, all the while telling her that she was just down the hall if she needed anything. Azula felt the same warmth again, filling her to the bones. She nodded shakily. Ty Lee looked like she wanted to say something but changed her mind halfway through and bid her goodnight. 

They were walking on eggshells around each other, which was expected after one betrayal and five years later. Azula realized that she missed the days where Ty Lee would just lean on her shoulder or hug her out of nowhere or simply speak what was on her mind, as long as it wasn’t offensive or dumb. This was not the first time Azula had longed for her childhood back and wished to make different choices. 

Near the bed was a bedside table and a lamp. Azula snapped her fingers and a flame burst forth from the candle inside. She pulled out the letter from her breast pocket and placed it at the lowest drawer of the table. Then she took off her outer clothes until she was left in her undergarments. She changed into the ones Ty Lee had prepared for her, slid under the covers of the bed and closed her eyes. 

For the first time in a long time, she fell asleep quickly. 

**-**

Morning came and Azula rose with the sun, long before Ty Lee was even awake. She brushed her hair, tied it into a messy top knot, and headed to the cliff overlooking the seaside. Most of the sky was still a shade of dark blue but the sun was rising from the east, setting everything in an orange-purplish color. Azula inhaled a deep breath, felt the heat in her lungs, and fell into the first firebending form. 

It had been awhile since she had done this. When she lost her bending out in the wilderness, she had been too proud and too angry to even attempt the firebending forms that had been ingrained in her system. She no longer bothered rising with the sun, the bitterness choking her so badly she wished she was already dead. Because what good was she without the very thing that made her a prodigy? The Crown Princess of the Fire Nation was nothing without her fire and for the longest time, she had lived as a shell of her old self. 

But then the family she had stayed with—Kol, Shiya and Zen—had pushed her into living. All they had to their name was their farm. They weren’t benders. They had no riches. They didn’t care about the war. As long as they had each other, things were okay. Azula had been disgusted at first. She was living with commoners, after all. And yet, with each day that arrived on that farm, she learned a thing or two from that small family. Without them, she would’ve been dead already. 

“You’re up early,” a voice spoke from behind.

Azula stopped with her firebending forms and turned around to find Ty Lee holding a tray full of food. “Just trying to fall back into old habits,” she responded with a light shrug.

Ty Lee approached her and the two of them sat on the grass, the tray separating them. It held two bowls of porridge, two glasses of water, and some fruits that Ty Lee said she bought from the market the other day. It was quiet between them. They watched as the sun fully rose from the clouds. 

“You still haven’t explained why you’re here,” Ty Lee said after they had finished eating their breakfast. 

Azula hummed, tilting her head to the sun. “Perhaps I just wanted to see you,” she answered. It was the truth. 

Ty Lee didn’t look like she believed her. “Kyoshi Island is a long way from the Royal Palace,” she pointed out with a frown, “You wouldn’t have gone all the way here just for me.” 

“Would that be so surprising?” 

“Yes.” Ty Lee’s face was resolute. “It’s just—I—I don’t know what happened to you the past five years, Azula.” 

Letting out a soft sigh, Azula stared at her old friend. “Like I said last night,” she reminded her, “it’s a long story.”

Ty Lee smiled, her eyes sparkling. “And we have all the time in the world,” she said, echoing Azula’s own thoughts the night before. Azula returned the smile. 

They spent the next few weeks slowly warming up to each other, the same way Azula was also learning to firebend again. It became clear to Azula that Ty Lee didn't know where she stood in their developing relationship. There were days she would talk her ear off about all the things they had missed with each other but there were also days where she'd retreat into herself, observing Azula the same way she would observe a platypus bear performing in a circus. It was as if she was waiting for the other shoe to drop or for the platypus bear to remember its wild side and attack her the second she dropped her defenses. It pained Azula to think that Ty Lee couldn't trust her again, even if she understood it. Had she been in Ty Lee's shoes, she wouldn't trust her either.

To make up for lost time, Azula spoke of her own journey the past five years. She didn't say much about her days rotting in a prison cell and then screaming her head off in a mental institute. But she did tell Ty Lee that she had seen her mother and father on multiple occasions—taunting her, lying to her, telling her she was weak. 

"They weren't real," Azula said the night she was retelling her experience being locked up. She and Ty Lee were in the living room, sitting on opposite ends of the couch. 

"But you still believed them," Ty Lee murmured. 

Azula clenched her jaw. "It was stupid," she grumbled, "I knew better." 

Ty Lee's hand twitched. Like she wanted to reach out but decided against it. Azula felt a pit of swirling disappointment in her stomach. Oh, well. 

A few days later, Azula told Ty Lee about Ursa. 

"Mai told me that Ursa had returned to the Royal Palace," Ty Lee said when Azula asked her of what she knew, "She gave me some details but it wasn't much. I guess she was afraid that her letters would be intercepted. You had run away by that time." Her voice tittered around the edges and Azula could tell that she was refraining herself from asking any questions related to Ursa.

"I don't remember much," Azuka admitted as she helped Ty Lee prepare their lunch, "I think I blocked out most of what happened. It was… necessary." 

Ty Lee looked up at her, eyes wide. "Oh, Azula," she whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

Azula shrugged. “Don’t be,” she said, “I deserved it.” 

Ty Lee was still staring at her. 

In a quieter voice, Azula murmured, “My mother apologized for not loving me enough.” 

The knife Ty Lee had been using to slice some vegetables clattered to the tabletop. Azula looked up, startled by the sound, before she was engulfed in a hug that stole the breath from her lungs. For the second time since her stay here in Kyoshi Island, Ty Lee was hugging her. This time, Azula was frozen. She wasn’t certain if she was deserving of this hug, especially when everything she had just said was true. 

“You didn’t deserve that,” Ty Lee said, “You didn’t deserve _any_ of it.” 

“Ty Lee…” 

Before Azula could return the hug, the taller girl had already pulled away. “We were in the middle of a war,” Ty Lee said, “Your parents were supposed to protect you, not send you to the frontlines.” 

Azula’s eyes glazed over. She thought of Ozai, sending her out to capture the Avatar and bring her brother home. At the time, it had been the most reasonable option. Azula had been training her whole life for it. She even prided herself for being one of the youngest war generals to command an entire fleet and bring down Ba Sing Se. But then she thought of Lu Ten and the grief that plagued her uncle for years to come. She knew now, that if she or Zuko had lost her life in the name of war, their father would’ve labelled them as another casualty. 

“I know,” she said simply, offering Ty Lee a sad, little smile.

**-**

Of course Ty Lee still had to do her duties as a Kyoshi Warrior. On days where she was off working, Azula would pass the hours by practicing her firebending forms or even trying new recipes from what she remembered during the days at the farm. Sometimes, Azula would head to the marketplace, letting her hair down and covering most of her face. She wasn’t taking any chances on being discovered. 

Ty Lee had exchanged her Fire Nation coins for Earth Kingdom ones. She used the money to buy some books that interested her. Most of them were history books, detailing the rise of her beloved nation, but she spotted other books that she thought Ty Lee would like. They were romance novels. Azula tried not to think too hard about it. 

One time, while Azula was walking around the market, picking out some necessities they needed back at Ty Lee’s house, she bumped into a random man who had a basket full of strong-smelling fish. She bit back the snarl that threatened to rip its way out of her throat and nodded stiffly at the man. He turned to her, an apology already on his lips, before he froze. 

“You—” He suddenly sounded very fearful but it was clear in his eyes that he was confused too. 

Azula’s shoulders tightened. She waited for him to finish his sentence. 

“You are Fire Nation,” he said quietly and shakily, “Your eyes—they are golden.”

Azula didn’t respond, still waiting. She felt like a rope that had been tightly stretched. The second this man caused a scene—

Thankfully, she didn’t have to worry too much about it. The man scurried away. If he had a tail, it would’ve been between his legs. Azula found no pleasure in scaring him off. In fact, she felt strangely… empty about it. Before, she would've laughed or even summoned some sparks to mess with the man. But now, all she could do was let out a deep breath, fix her cloak and head back to Ty Lee's house. 

When Ty Lee arrived still wearing that dreadful Kyoshi warrior make-up, Azula was standing at the cliff's edge, her arms crossed and her gaze fixed on the setting sun. 

"Hey," Ty Lee said. 

Azula didn't respond, still lost in her thoughts. Ty Lee approached cautiously and laid a gloved hand gently on the firebender's shoulder. Azula glanced at her once before fixing her gaze back on the sunset. 

"Tell me something, Ty Lee," she requested, trying to keep her voice light but still noticing the way Ty Lee flinched. 

"What is it?" 

"Am I a monster?" 

There was silence at first. Azula expected as much. After all, it was painfully obvious. Azula _was_ a monster. She didn't nearly kill the Avatar or the Fire Lord, conquer cities, and burned everything in her wake to not be called a monster. There was no other word that would perfectly describe her. It would be another title to add under her name. _Crown Princess of the Fire Nation. Conqueror of Ba Sing Se. Firebending Prodigy. Disgraced daughter of a mad man. Monster. Monster. Monster._

To her surprise, the silence was broken by Ty Lee's answer: "No." 

Azula gave her a sharp look. "You've never been a good liar," she said with some snark. 

Ty Lee shook her head. "I'm not lying, Azula." She pursed her lips. "What made you ask me this question?" 

"There was a man at the market earlier," Azula recalled, "I think he knew my face but didn't recognize me. He was very quick to leave the premises." 

"A lot of the villagers are still afraid of the Fire Nation," Ty Lee pointed out, "It's a scar. It will take time to heal." 

"There is no need for flattery." Azula turned away, now clasping her hands behind her back. "You don't need to give much thought about it."

"You're not a monster, Azula." 

"Thousands of people would beg to differ." 

"They don't know you like I do." 

Azula paused, slowly looking over her shoulder with a furrowed brow. Ty Lee stood behind her, her expression calm and determined. For some reason, Azula wished that she wasn't wearing her Kyoshi Warrior get-up. 

"How well do you know me?" Azula asked curiously. It wasn't a challenge but judging by Ty Lee straightening her back, she took it as one. 

"Better than anybody." Ty Lee walked towards her, grabbed her hands and held them in her own. "I knew you when you were just a child, I knew you when you were a war general, and I know you _now._ "

Azula was staring at their hands. She wished Ty Lee wasn't wearing her gloves. The warmth from her skin matched the sun and Azula missed it terribly. 

"But that doesn't make me any less of a monster," she whispered. 

Ty Lee smiled at her. "When does a monster stop being a monster?" she asked. 

Azula thought hard about the question before she shook her head in response. Of course she had an answer but she didn't think any of them were correct. Ty Lee's smile widened, almost blinding against the sheer whiteness of her make-up, and she brought her hands up to cup Azula's cheeks. Then she leaned in slowly—so slowly that Azula could count the specks of golden daylight reflected in her eyes—before she stopped a breath away from Azula's lips. 

"When you love it," Ty Lee finally answered before she released Azula and stepped back. 

Azula realized that Ty Lee had stolen the breath from her lungs. She felt powerless. A firebender depended on their breath, after all. 

"I have to make dinner for us," Ty Lee said in an almost mischievous tone, "You can help me if you want." 

Then she turned and disappeared into the house. Azula let out a deep breath and flinched when blue flames slipped past her lips. She clutched her chest, felt her heart beating rapidly under her ribcage, and tried to get it back under control. 

For the following days, they pretend like that didn’t just happen.

**-**

The invitation came a month and a half into Azula's stay at Kyoshi Island. It held the Fire Lord's seal. Ty Lee's shoulders were tense when she arrived home from work, clutching the letter in hand. Azula rose from the guest bedroom when she heard Ty Lee call out her name. 

"It's from Zuko," the acrobat said, placing the letter on the table. She looked worried. "It has both of our names on it." 

Azula, already knowing what the letter held, rolled her eyes. _Agni, Zuko._ "He couldn't have bothered with sending us individual invitations," she grumbled, leaning her chin against her fist and watching Ty Lee hover nervously nearby. It was a curious sight.

At the word 'invitation,' Ty Lee stopped moving and tilted her head to the side. "Wait, what?" she asked. 

Azula smirked, gesturing to the letter. Ty Lee hesitated before ripping the seal open and taking out what was inside. With hurried movements, she read everything. Then reread it for good measure. Tears sprang to her eyes and she hastily wiped them away. 

"They're getting married?" she finally asked Azula. 

Azula nodded. "Mai is pregnant," she offered and Ty Lee gasped, her hands jumping to her heart. 

"And you didn't tell _me_?" 

"Well." Azula flexed her fingers and shrugged. "I didn't want to break Mai's trust." 

Ty Lee stared at her. In a soft whisper, she asked, "You spoke to Mai?" 

"She visits the palace from time to time." Azula looked down at her nails as if they were the most interesting things in the world. Ty Lee was quiet. The silence stretched on. From its place on the table, the wedding invitation glared at them. 

Finally, Azula sighed and said, "If there's something you want to ask, just ask." 

Ty Lee flinched. "Sorry," she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck, "It's just… I didn't know you and Mai were on speaking terms." 

"It's a recent development."

"How recent?"

Azula thought about it. "Right before I travelled here," she answered. 

Ty Lee was biting her lower lip so hard Azula feared she would draw blood. "Have you…?" she hesitated, eyes cautiously flitting around the living room, as if looking for something to fixate on other than Azula's heavy, expectant gaze. 

"Have I what?" Azula coaxed gently. 

"Have you forgiven her?" Ty Lee asked, her voice so low, so meek, so timid that it made something in Azula's chest tighten. 

_Maybe I'm just tired of wishing you were dead._

"She saved Zuko's life," Azula said, waving the question away, "I understand why she did it." 

"That's not an answer." 

_When you finally let yourself love someone, you'll understand why I did it._

Azula let out a pained groan. "We already forgave each other," she mumbled under her breath, as if confessing this truth made her weaker somehow. It certainly made her feel like it. 

But Ty Lee was looking at her with wide eyes, like all the other times Azula had displayed her superior control over her blue fire. She wore a look of awe and disbelief. It was a comfort to see and Azula relaxed considerably. 

"What?" Azula asked. 

"Nothing," Ty Lee was quick to say, her lips curling into a devious smile but her eyes were stormy, "I'm just glad you guys are friends again." 

"I wouldn't go as far as saying that we're _friends_ ," Azula grumbled. 

"Not yet." Ty Lee sounded happy and it made something in Azula’s chest twist. 

"Whatever." Azula picked up the letter and read through its content. She scoffed. The wedding was a month away. Zuko and Mai had to get married quickly, unless an issue rose regarding their child being born out of wedlock. Then she remembered something she had noticed earlier. 

"Ty Lee."

"Yes, Azula?" Ty Lee was in the middle of taking off her gloves.

Azula pursed her lips. "Why did you look so worried when you got the letter?" 

Ty Lee stopped pulling on her gloves and shyly looked away. There was a faint blush on her cheeks that couldn't be hidden by the Kyoshi Warrior make-up. Azula found herself leaning closer, her curiosity piqued. 

"Well," she began, biting her lower lip. 

Azula raised her eyebrows. 

"I thought…" Ty Lee turned away so that her face would be shielded from view. "I thought it would be a letter from Zuko telling you to come back to the Fire Nation." 

Azula's eyebrows rose even higher. "Would that bother you?" 

Ty Lee nodded slowly. "I just got you back," she murmured, eyebrows drawn together, "I don't want you to leave." 

Azula let out a sharp laugh, the words warming her insides. "Ty Lee," she said, "I'm not going anywhere." 

Confusion filled Ty Lee's expression. There was a brief moment where they just stared at each other. "Why not?" the taller girl asked quietly. It was clear from her tone that she had asked herself this question many times but had only gained the confidence to voice it out, "How come you’re still here? Why aren't you mad at me? All this time, I've thought about our reunion but it always ends with you striking me down or screaming at me or wishing I—I—I was _dead._ " 

Ty Lee turned away, tears sparkling in her eyes. Azula stiffened. The conversation had changed gears so quickly she hadn't been able to adjust in time. As she stood up to approach the other girl, Ty Lee retreated further into the kitchen. 

"Ty Lee," Azula called, stretching her hand.

"I know that I shouldn't be bringing up the past." It took a couple of seconds for Azula to realize that Ty Lee was shaking very badly. "But I can't help it. I look at you and I don't know how to act. I think you've changed but there's always going to be a voice in the back of my head that keeps asking if you've forgotten what happened at the Boiling Rock." 

Azula dropped her hand. "I haven't," which was the wrong thing to say. 

Ty Lee flinched. "Of course you haven't." She wiped uselessly at her eyes. "I betrayed you." 

"Ty Lee…"

"I regret what I did," the taller girl said, "but I would do it again." 

Mai's voice whispered in Azula's ear: _That day at The Boiling Rock, I saved Zuko because I loved him and Ty Lee saved me because she loved you_. 

"I know." Azula remembered the sting of betrayal and the loss of feeling in her limbs. Somehow, being chi-blocked and humiliated in front of Fire Nation soldiers wasn't the worst thing that had happened that day. “You chose Mai that day.”

Ty Lee flinched. “It wasn’t like that,” she said beseechingly, “It’s not as simple as that.” 

Azula dug deep in the past that she had tried so hard to forget and clenched her hands tightly. “Things are never simple," she mumbled. 

“You would’ve killed her.” There was sorrow in Ty Lee's face. "If you had succeeded, you would’ve regretted it.” 

Azula pursed her lips. "There are many things I regret," she whispered. She took another step forward but Ty Lee backed up again. There was fear in her eyes. 

"I need some air," Ty Lee said before Azula could say anything else. Her make-up was now ruined. 

Azula stopped in her tracks and let out a strangled sigh. It pained her to see Ty Lee looking so confused and angry with herself. It was as if every ugly thought her old friend ever had was now resurfacing, indicated by the furrow in her eyebrows and the twist of her lips. 

“Okay,” Azula said quietly, “I’ll give you time.” 

Ty Lee ran to the back door and disappeared to the cliff’s edge. Azula watched her go. Then she climbed the steps to the guest bedroom, found her rucksack from under the bed, and took out the box in which she had kept Ty Lee’s letters. She hadn’t shown them to Ty Lee yet. Now seemed like a good time to do so. But she sat down on her bed and waited for her friend to come back. 

Two hours later, Azula heard the back door opening and closing. She held her breath, waiting and waiting. When the door to her room crept open, she immediately sat up from where she had been lying on the mattress. Ty Lee had cleaned out of her Kyoshi Warrior get-up. She was now wearing her pink pajamas. Azula felt relieved now that she could properly discern Ty Lee’s facial expressions.

“Were you—?” Ty Lee seemed surprised to see her still wide awake. “Were you waiting for me?” 

“Yes,” Azula answered, halfway up the bed already.

“You didn’t have to.” But Ty Lee entered the room anyway, hugging herself. “I’m sorry about earlier.” 

Azula didn’t say anything. She just stared at her friend, waiting for her next move. When Ty Lee finally sighed and sat down next to her on the bed, she let out a breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding in. The silence was tense. A cold draft suddenly entered, making Ty Lee shiver, and Azula snapped her fingers to summon a blue flame inside the lamplight on the table. 

Ty Lee noticed the box she was holding. “What’s that?” 

Azula offered it to her. “See for yourself.” 

Their surroundings were bathed in a bluish glow that faintly reminded Azula of the throne room during Sozin’s Comet. It had been stifling hot that day but she had pushed through it. It would’ve been weak if she hadn’t. She watched as Ty Lee opened the box with careful, gentle fingers, raising her eyes in time to see the surprise that flickered across the acrobat’s face. 

"You kept them," she murmured. 

"Of course I did." Azula tried to smile but it probably looked like a grimace. "It's not everyday somebody writes nearly 200 letters for you." 

Ty Lee let out a soft laugh, taking out the first letter. "You probably thought I was bring stupid and pitiful," she mumbled.

“On the contrary.” Azula cleared her throat. “I thought it was… nice.”

Ty Lee looked sharply at her, eyes wide and face open. Azula thought of what Mai said. _You have no idea how much she regretted betraying you back then_. Ty Lee’s betrayal was something that had plagued her mind for the past several years but the second she arrived at Kyoshi Island, she pushed it in the back of her mind. She didn’t want to ruin whatever was happening between them. Agni knows that she had already ruined too many good things in her life. 

“I know that you have a lot of questions,” Azula went on, “and I know that you’re wary of trusting me again.” 

Ty Lee kept quiet, still looking at her expectantly. 

“But I also know that if there is anybody who needs to be forgiven, it’s me,” Azula finished in a soft voice. 

“Azula…”

She raised a hand, asking not to be interrupted. “I’ve done horrible things to you,” she said, “I’ve insulted you, put you down, threatened you and worst of all, I had you thrown into prison.” She clenched her jaw, not wanting to meet Ty Lee’s gaze in the fear that she’ll find anger, disgust or worse, _hatred_ reflected in them. “You said that I wasn’t a monster but I am, Ty Lee. Maybe you’re just blinded by our past friendship or your fear of me but—”

“Love,” Ty Lee said softly. 

Now it was Azula’s turn to look sharply at her. “What?” 

“It’s called love, Azula,” Ty Lee said with a giggle. Then her face suddenly grew serious but her eyes were still wistful. “I was blinded by love.” 

There was something in the air that made it hard to breathe. Azula stared into Ty Lee’s grey eyes, searching for any lie that might be hidden in them. She found nothing. Reflected in her friend’s gaze was the truth. _Her_ truth, anyway. Azula knew better than to get her hopes up. 

“But I'm not anymore."

It felt like being encased in freezing cold waters again. Azula couldn't breathe. There was an ache in her chest that she couldn't explain but it kept spreading and spreading until it was all that Azula knew. 

Ty Lee didn't love her. 

Azula didn't even know what love was so why did it hurt so bad? 

"I see." She looked away, clenching her hands. "I understand." 

Ty Lee sighed. "No, you don't," she murmured as she reached forward and cupped Azula's cheeks. She tilted her face so that they were looking at each other, the cool glow of Azula's flame illuminating them in a blue light. "I meant that I'm no longer blinded by love. I didn't mean that I don't love you anymore." 

Azula's jaw slackened. "What?" 

"You've gotten softer," Ty Lee went on, her gaze tracing Azula's features, "and your aura used to be blue." 

"Used to be?" 

"Yes, it was icy and cold. I felt like I couldn’t reach you." Ty Lee's eyebrows furrowed together. "But now it's orange. Like the sun. You're warmer now too. You don't push me away. You don't hurt me. You…" She sighed, the corners of her lips twitching. "You're not the same anymore." 

Azula held her breath. “Is that a bad thing?”

Shaking her head, Ty Lee bit her lower lip, still holding Azula’s face. “When we were kids, I was in love with you," she began slowly and carefully, “I always have been.” 

It was the day of Sozin's Comet all over again. Azula remembered being trapped in water, unable to move her limbs, unable to do anything other than _watch_ as her entire destiny crumbled all around her. But with Ty Lee's words echoing in her ears ( _I was in love with you_ ), she felt the icy cold grip of fear wash away, replaced by a sudden warmth and an overwhelming feeling of relief. "Oh,” she breathed out. She didn’t know what to feel.

Ty Lee nodded, her face impossibly soft. "Even when you were horrible to me, I never stopped loving you." Then she laughed sadly, tears brimming in her eyes as she finally let go. "I don't think I ever will. In fact, I think I love you even more now.”

“You shouldn’t.” Azula tore her gaze away, looking down at her hands. “I don’t know how to love anybody.”

“But you’re learning.” Ty Lee gestured at the box of letters she had on her lap. “You’re starting to. You wouldn’t have held onto my letters if you didn’t.” 

Azula fixed her with a look. There was some truth in those words. Why had Azula kept those letters if there wasn’t a small part of her that treasured them? Perhaps some part of her wanted some kind of proof that somebody _cared_ for her, even if it was a long time ago. But Ty Lee said that she still loves her, even until now. Even after everything that happened between them. Azula tried to search for an ulterior motive. Maybe Ty Lee wanted to let her guard down to strike at the most unexpected time. That didn’t sound like Ty Lee. Maybe she was being honest. Azula couldn’t say the same for herself.

“I…” For once, she didn’t know what to say. All the words had left her mind. Still, there was something that needed to be said. It was five years in the making. She hoped she wasn’t too late. “I’m sorry, Ty Lee.” 

Ty Lee’s eyes widened. Azula saw her grip tightening on the box. 

“I’m sorry for everything,” Azula went on before she lost the nerve. Unlike all the other people she had apologized to, she wanted Ty Lee to forgive her. When it had been her uncle, the Avatar, her mother, Mai or even Zuko, she wouldn’t have blamed them if they had kept on hating her. It wouldn’t have mattered to her. If they left her life or continued to point fingers, then she could take it. But sitting in the middle of Ty Lee’s guest bedroom hours after midnight, Azula realized that it would truly break her heart if Ty Lee couldn’t forgive her. 

“I’m sorry for pushing you when we were kids,” Azula continued, remembering every wrong thing she had done against Ty Lee, “I’m sorry for not respecting your decision to work at the circus, I’m sorry for setting the net on fire and endangering your life, I’m sorry for—”

“Azula, please, it’s _okay—_ ” 

“—forcing you to hunt the Avatar with me, I’m sorry for hurting your feelings, I’m sorry for—” 

In a sudden, swift movement, Ty Lee put away the box of letters, grabbed Azula by the cheeks once again and kissed her. Azula’s brain short-circuited. She wondered if this was how it felt to be shot with lightning. Because the weight of Ty Lee’s mouth on hers felt _electric_. Tingles spread from her lips and down to the rest of her body. For one devastating second, Azula couldn’t move. Then she felt Ty Lee pushing insistently against her, almost as if she was asking an unvoiced question: _is this okay_? 

Azula’s eyes fluttered shut as she slowly but surely kissed her back. _Yes_ , she thought. She remembered what Mai told her. _Maybe I’m just tired of seeing a dear friend so happy_. As Ty Lee’s lips curved into a wide, infectious smile against her own, Azula realized that for some reason she couldn't understand, she was part of Ty Lee's happiness. And she would be damned if she ruined it again. 

They pulled back, sharing a breath. When Azula opened her eyes, she saw thay Ty Lee's gaze was bright and hazy. The bluish glow in the room couldn't mask the flush in her cheeks. "You don't have to apologize," she murmured, "I've forgiven you a long time ago." 

Azula frowned. "But I didn't apologize back then." 

"Forgiveness doesn't work like that." Now that they had kissed, it seemed as if Ty Lee couldn't stop touching her. Her fingers were now ghosting over Azula's own cheeks which, Azula realized half a second later, were probably flushed a deep red. "When you truly want to forgive someone, you do it even if they didn't ask for it." She ran a thumb on Azula's bottom lip, making her shiver. "And I already have." 

"Why?" Azula croaked. She could feel the heat behind her eyes. Under Ty Lee's soft, warm gaze, Azula wanted to succumb to tears. 

"Because I love you," Ty Lee answered. She said so clearly and simply that Azula couldn’t find any reason not to believe her. But that statement was a good enough reason for her to lean forward and capture Ty Lee’s lips once again. She would have more time to think again, once the sun came. 

**-**

The next day, after forsaking her morning routine to allow herself the luxury of staying in bed with Ty Lee, Azula thought back to what she had seen back at the ancient city, when the dragons had breathed fire at her. She recalled how different the world had seemed afterwards—like all the anger, spite and hatred she had felt back then evaporated under the intensity of the fire she now finally understood. And yet, all the knowledge and wisdom in the world seemed to pale in comparison at the realization that Ty Lee loved her, and was hers to love for the rest of their lives. 

Azula certainly didn't think she'd get here, five years later. She didn't mind. It was better than rotting in a cell and holding onto what she thought was her destiny, when all along, it had been Zuko's. 

When Ty Lee finally slipped from her embrace to make breakfast, Azula sat up, reached for the bottom drawer of the bedside table and pulled out the letter she had written weeks ago. She read the words again. There was something else she wanted to say. Something more important than apologies. 

"Ty Lee," Azula called several moments later, approaching her new lover in the kitchen. 

"Hmm?" Ty Lee turned, eyebrows raised.

Azula handed her the letter. "I never wrote you back," she explained, "I hope it isn't too late."

Quietly, Ty Lee opened the letter and read its contents. She smiled, even though she looked confused. "Is there something else you want to tell me?" she asked, eyebrows drawing together. 

"Yes," Azula answered. It occurred to her then that sunlight was pouring in from the window, making Ty Lee's skin and eyes look golden. Her breath caught in her throat. _Your aura is orange too_ , she wanted to say.

Instead, she said, "I think I love you." Then she shook her head, heart jumping painfully inside her ribcage. It was still hard—being honest about her thoughts and feelings, but she wanted to try. For Ty Lee. 

"No," she added, "I _know_ I love you." She flexed her fingers and then curled them into her palms so that her nails were biting into her skin. "I think a part of me always had, even when we were kids, but I wasn't looking for love then. I thought I didn't need it. Now, I know for certain that not only do I need it, I _want_ it. And I want it to be you." 

Ty Lee looked like she was going to cry. Azula swallowed the lump in her throat. She put her hand on her heart, a promise to be kept. "I love you," she said firmly. Then for a split second, doubt clouded her thoughts. _Do I deserve to be forgiven_? “And I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to be sorry anymore,” Ty Lee said, reaching forward and wrapping her arms around Azula’s neck, “We’ve both done bad things and we’ve regretted many of them. But we’re here now.” She pressed a kiss to the corner of Azula’s mouth. “That’s all that matters.” 

When Ty Lee leaned back to look at her, her smile as blinding as the sun shining through the window behind them, Azula’s gaze traced the flecks of orange light highlighting her hair and the specks of gold reflected in her grey eyes. Warmth burst forth from her heart, travelling all the way down to her fingertips. She knew, without having to ask, that Ty Lee could feel the heat from the hands that she brought up to wrap around her cheeks. 

_Orange_ , she thought, leaning forward to kiss Ty Lee, _like the sun_. 

**end.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally got all the Tyzula out of my system!!! I doubt I'll write for them again because I have commissions from other fandoms but I really enjoyed writing this fic :D and I hope you enjoyed reading it too!!! 
> 
> Thank you and I hope you have a nice day!!! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter 2 will be coming up soon! 
> 
> Follow me at @redempzula for more updates :D


End file.
